


Show Me What You Know

by remember_me_for_centuries



Category: Star Wars Episode VII: The Force Awakens (2015)
Genre: F/M, Forced Mind Entry, I'm going straight to Hell, Mostly Fluff, Please dont let them be related guys, Rated T for swearing, Romantic Tension, a little bit of angst, and you-know-who doesn't die in this, it was fun while it lasted, no smut sorry, oh well, spoilers??? idk
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-12-21
Updated: 2016-01-21
Packaged: 2018-05-08 05:52:02
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 13
Words: 24,086
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5485985
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/remember_me_for_centuries/pseuds/remember_me_for_centuries
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Kylo Ren has tracked Rey across the galaxy to find the map to Luke Skywalker, but when he finally finds her, he realises he wants so much more.</p><p>There's going to be a few spoilers for TFA in this.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Interrogation

“Let me see...show me what you really feel.  Show me what you know…”  
“Stay away from me...”  She growled, pulling restlessly at the metal restraints. “You’ll never see, I’ll never show you anything!”

She was in an interrogation room, no larger than the head of the AT-AT she lived in back on Jakku.  In the centre was a metal contraption designed for horrible things, torture, probably.  There were blood stains on and around it, some of them not even dry.  On this torture device, she was held back by metal brackets on her arms and legs, and no matter how hard she struggled, she couldn’t escape.

Kylo Ren marched towards her, stopping about a foot away.  He tilted his head mockingly, revelling in the control he had over her.  “Incredible.  You’re so…fragile.  You’re tiny, and powerless, but you think you can defeat me.”  He took another step towards her so his face was only a few centimetres from hers.  She could smell the coppery blood of the contraption she was bound to, but there was a more pleasant woodsy musk coming from him that reminded her of the forest she’d been on just a few hours earlier.   Glancing up from his chest, she stared up at his mask.  He glared back at her, prepared to hurt her, but reluctant.  “I am a master of evil, scavenger.   You don’t stand a chance against me.” 

_Shit._

Rey saw her reflection in the silver lines of his mask.  Her eyes, wide and frightened, stared back at her. “You’re…a coward!”  She spat.  “You hide behind your mask, you’re too scared to face anyone on your own! No…no, you need that fear of the unknown to help you…you know if they saw your face they’d _never_ fear you!  You’re a fucking coward!”  She screamed, whipping her head forwards and making Kylo Ren jump back in defense.

His blood boiled, but he forced it away.  He needed to come across as calm and confident in order to frighten her.  She wouldn’t give anything up to him otherwise.  Pushing his anger and fear aside, he stalked slowly towards her.

“But you fear me, Rey.  You know my powers can hurt you, and you know that the mask has nothing to do with it.  No, you aren’t afraid of the mask, Rey.  You are afraid of _me_.”  He spoke calmly and peacefully, bringing a gloved hand up to gently touch under her chin, forcing her to look up at him.

“You’re wrong…you don’t know that I’m afraid…”  She hissed as he retracted his hand, preparing himself to read inside her mind.  He knew that digging too far into her memories would injure her, and that wasn't what he wanted.  Slowly, he summoned the energy of the Force to look inside her thoughts.

“I can feel it, Rey.  Your fear…it controls you.  You know something, something you must not tell me.  You’re scared, because you know I can feel it…you know I can enter your mind.”  His eyes narrowed, a confident smile growing on his face beneath the mask as he moved forwards and pushed the Force into her thoughts.

Rey stared down at his hand, trembling with effort before her eyes.  He strained as he fought for entrance into her mind, but it was to no avail.  His fear of hurting her - and bringing her to resent him - was too strong, and he gave up.

She panted, exhausted from forcing him back.  She knew what he was looking for, but she channeled a new energy inside her to prevent him from finding it.  She watched the confidence slowly fade from his face and grinned. 

“Go on then.  If you’re so powerful, look inside my mind.  Find that map, follow it straight to Skywalker, then kill him too.  I’m not scared.  I know you’ll never find anything.”  She taunted, forcing herself forwards against her restraints.

She looked up, and behind the mask she could see his worried and hesitant thoughts brewing, trying to summon the Force so he could search the girl’s mind but failing.  Another force was holding him back.  “See?  You can’t.  You’re too fucking _weak_.”

Kylo Ren said nothing.  He could feel it…something was forcing him back from her.  He couldn’t do it…he knew it would hurt her, and that was something he couldn’t bring himself to do.  And the sudden awakening of the Force in her wasn't really helping either.

“You are strong with the Force, girl.  But you do not know how to use it yet.  I can _teach_ you, Rey.  I can make you powerful.”  
“I don’t want anything to do with you!”  She snapped, struggling against her restraints.

“You don’t have a choice, girl…either I will train you myself, or I will kill you.”  
“You don’t have the guts.”  She yelled through gritted teeth. Her chest rose and fell in time with the beat of her heart as she strained against the metal brackets.  He stood back, watching her struggle.  She was defying him – something he’d never encountered before.  It was interesting, invigorating to watch.  But there was something else that made him watch her.  She was an attractive girl, and her fiery temper seemed to draw him in even further.  Nobody had ever disobeyed him like she had, and it was all new and exciting to him - a refreshing change from the brainwashed stormtroopers he had grown accustomed to.

He paced in circles around her, considering removing his mask, but deciding against it at the last minute.  He wouldn’t give her the pleasure of getting her way.   No, he wouldn’t give in to her.  “I will get my way, Rey.  You can’t oppose me forever.”  This time, he summoned all the strength he could to read into her mind, but something felt wrong.  He knew it would hurt her, and he felt reluctant to use this much power against her, but he knew he couldn’t let a silly little crush get in the way of his business.

But as he forced himself inside her head, he lowered his defense, and Rey counter-attacked, sifting through his most prominent thoughts without him even noticing.

“You’re…afraid.”  She choked out, eyes closed, sweat trickling down her forehead.  
He stepped back, recoiling from her mind.  “What did you say?”  He asked, already knowing the answer.  
“I can see it…you’re afraid.  Afraid of… _failure_.”  She gasped, shaking with concentration and effort.

Kylo Ren walked towards her.  “You can’t hurt me, girl.  You have no idea what you’re doing.”  He replied warningly, frowning behind his mask.  He liked being powerful, but Rey was taking his authority from him.  They were fighting for control of his mind, but he knew she could only skim the surface.  He knew she couldn’t read far enough to damage him.

In one word, Rey proved him wrong.

“Vader…”

Suddenly, Kylo Ren was no longer a lord of evil.  He was no longer a lightsaber-wielding Knight of Ren, powerful enough to destroy worlds and control armies.  No, in that instant, he became a young boy, frightened and defenceless against her.  His face drained of colour and his heart racing, he felt a new kind of fear and rage.

“I’ll make you regret this, girl.”  He growled, stalking towards her and tilting his head.  “You can’t win against me.”  
  
“You…you’re afraid...that you’ll never be as strong as...Darth Vader!”  She cried, summoning all the energy she could.  Her head was pounding, screaming out as she summoned all of her strength to dig further.  He frowned, watching Rey beginning to slip from consciousness.  “You will…never f-finish what…what he…star-ted…”  She cried out, gasping for air, her eyes forcing themselves open again.  She had pushed herself too far; her heart pounded fiercely in her chest.

“You can’t hurt me, girl… _you can’t hurt me_!”  He cried, overwhelmed by her power.  In a wave of anger and hatred, he forced her out from his mind as she collapsed down into her restraints.  Gasping for air, she knew she had won.  “I beat you, Ren…I… _fucking beat_ you…”

Kylo Ren paced forwards and gripped her by the neck, still adamant in not hurting her but frightening her instead.  “You know nothing, girl.  I’m not done with you yet.”  He spat, flicking his hand over her head and knocking her unconscious before storming out of the room, leaving Rey alone in the darkness.

 


	2. Anger

Kylo Ren stormed back to his quarters, shoving past the Stormtroopers standing guard.  _FUCK!_

The pretty little scavenger defeated him, left him weak and defenceless, and he _let_ her do that.  Pretty little scavenger, pretty little _fucking Jedi_ scavenger, she was untrained and she defeated him, saw right into his darkest thoughts and now she was powerful, more so than him.  What else could he do?  The girl had won, and for the sake of his dignity he would not return to that room like a lamb returning to slaughter…no, he would not give her that pleasure of knowing she had hurt him.

Standing in the middle of his room, he engaged his lightsaber.  A brilliant beam of red, and then two at right angles to it, suddenly spinning and slashing and slicing through anything and everything he could see.  His anger surged through every vein as he smashed up his desk, his chair, his bed, everything became a blur of red and dust and screams and fury until finally a stab of searing agony in his arm snapped him out of his trance.

He collapsed to his knees as he withdrew his lightsaber and tossed it away, crying out in a mix of fear, anger, hate and the physical pain of the burn on his upper left arm.  His pressed his hand over it, trying to summon the Force to apply pressure to the wound and make it burn less, but his anger was too powerful and it started hurting even more, and he collapsed onto the cold stone floor.  He couldn’t control himself when he got into this state.

As his head hit the floor, he fumbled around his helmet, looking for the release button. His fingers circled it a few times before he pressed it, and the mouthpiece slowly started moving upwards, clicking into place before he reached up to his head and removed the mask, shaking his head to free his hair.

He sighed.  He was calming down now.  The pain in his arm was bringing him back to his senses. But he didn’t want to open his eyes.  He didn’t want to look at the mess he had created.  He knew he’d wrecked his bed, so he’d have to sleep on the floor tonight.  And he couldn’t even meditate; he’d destroyed the peacefulness of the room, and now his anger would interfere with his thoughts.

So he lay there for a while longer, thinking back on what had just happened.  The girl…Rey was a beautiful creature.  She was so fragile, but so feisty.  She was like fire…entrancing to look at, but dangerous.  He had no doubt in his mind that she would make an excellent warrior, if only she’d learn the ways of the Force.  She had made it clear she didn’t want to be trained, but perhaps some further persuasion could make a difference.

And _fuck_ , how painful it was for him to know that he’d have to return there, to be so close to her but not ever touch her.  The idea of being near her was becoming intoxicating, that pretty little scavenger was inside his mind.  She defied him, she fought him, something nobody had every dared do before.  She was independent, smart, skilled and feisty, but she was fire and she was fragile and had the potential to be very dangerous.  But he couldn’t stop thinking about the way her eyes narrowed when she was angry, or how she was forcing herself against her restraints, or just the way she grinned after he grabbed her neck.

 _Tomorrow, I’m going to confront her again,_ He thought, sighing.  _I can make her work with me.  I can make her strong._

He pushed himself up into a sitting position, opening his eyes and letting them skim over the wreck his quarters had become.  Massive scars dug into the walls, almost doubling the length of his lightsaber, while the steel desk he almost never used was cut unevenly into a dozen sharp pieces.  His bed was no longer anything more than a cut and dented slate on 2 iron legs, the other 2 in shards on the other side of the room, all covered in feathers and cotton from his pillows and sheets.

Standing up, he looked at the door, which was open a crack.  He reached down and picked up his helmet before marching over to the door and opening it the rest of the way, making the Stormtroopers standing guard jump.  “Have my room redone by tonight.”  He ordered, securing the helmet on his head and striding down the corridors towards the interrogation room.

*

Arriving outside, he entered his password and the door slid open.  He walked in and the room lit up, showing Rey still unconscious in her restraints.  Subconsciously, he was waiting for her to spring to life, to grab his lightsaber and behead him and leave him dead on the floor as she ran to freedom.  The scenario replayed over and over in his head as he pushed the buttons on the back of the contraption and the metal braces snapped open.

Slowly, Rey started to fall forwards, and Kylo Ren held his hand out, using the Force to catch her.  She gasped, on the verge of consciousness.  She didn't know what was happening, or where she was, or who was walking over to her and simply lifting her from the thin air that had caught her, but she couldn't bring herself to question it.  She wasn't alive enough to fight back, so she sank into his arms, letting him take her.

He could see her struggling to regain consciousness, but she couldn't do it.  He held her in his arms, carrying her back to a holding cell not 10 metres from his quarters.  "Rey." He mumbled, unsure if she would respond.  Her eyes flickered open, but they couldn't stay that way, and she kept slipping back under.  But, with what little energy she had left, she nuzzled up against his chest, craving that woodsy smell, but completely unaware of who he was.  He could hear her tiny kitten breaths as he laid her down on the stone ledge she would have to call a bed.

A Stormtrooper appeared behind him.  "I want patrols up this corridor all night.  Do everything you can to ensure she does  _not_ leave this cell."  He ordered.  
"Yes, sir."

He turned back to look down at Rey, who had given up trying to regain consciousness and had fallen back into a deep sleep.  He couldn't help notice the curls of hair she couldn't tie back that hung down by her ears and swept over her face.  Something about them made her seem far too innocent to be the aggressive, somehow powerful scavenger who had invaded his mind not an hour earlier.  He couldn't stay angry at her.  There was something about her that made her so...pretty.  She wasn't cute, and she certainly wasn't adorable, but she was pretty.  In a sort of dangerous way.


	3. Nightmares

“You shouldn’t look at me like that…”  She whispered, pressing her body against his, one hand spread out across his chest.  Her lips grazed his neck as she spoke, sending shivers through every nerve in his body.  
“Why not?”  He breathed, winding an arm around her waist.  Her breath hitched as he pulled her closer and she closed her eyes.  “Do you want me to?”  
“That isn’t the point…”  She hissed, her fiery temper shining through.  Like a snake, she escaped his grasp and traced a finger along his collarbones until she stood behind him, her forehead pressed to his back.  “You know they’re watching us.  They can hear your thoughts.   _I_  can hear your thoughts.”

Kylo Ren spun around at the speed of light and pinned her up against the wall.  “They can listen all they like.  I don’t care.”  He muttered, bringing his head down so his mouth just touched her lower neck.  She gasped and closed her eyes once more as he gently pressed his lips to her shoulder.

“They’ll kill you…you’re supposed to be…searching for Luke Skywalker…”  She panted as he trailed gentle kisses along her collarbone and her neck.  His hands ran over her hips to her lower back as she arched away from the wall, her arms resting on his shoulders and curling around his neck.  She stared at him warningly but lovingly as he tilted his head.  
“They won’t kill me.  I will find Skywalker when the last piece of the map is recovered.”

“I've seen the map…”  She hissed, drawing shapes on his neck with her finger.  Her touch was electric, sending sparks through his entire body.  “You could take it from me.”

He paused.  It seemed too good to be true.  After waiting for so long, nothing was holding him back now.  He raised his hand from her hip to her temple and watched her, waiting for her to open her eyes.  “I won’t stop you this time.”

He summoned all the strength he could muster and forced himself inside her thoughts.  She winced silently, her head pressed to his chest.  He saw her memories of Jakku, her little droid, the man with the stolen jacket who wouldn’t let go of her hand…and then the map.

Blue dots symbolised entire planets, scaled down to fit onto something the size of a USB stick.

"Wait...Kylo, stop...”  She mumbled, forcing her head into his chest.  He heard her, but he couldn’t let go.  A red trail leading across Jakku, Yavin, Naboo, all the way to-

“No, that hurts...that's enough, stop!” She gasped, tugging at his shirt, her knuckles turning white.  He moved a hand to rest on her back as sweat poured down his face.  It was a system he'd never seen...it was tiny, only a few planets, tucked away into a corner of the galaxy.

"Kylo, please!" She was crying now, her tears soaking into his shirt.  He felt their warmth, fading into cold sweat.  “Please!”  She screamed, hands moving from his chest to her head.  He wouldn’t listen, he kept searching.  Where was that planet?  He’d never seen it before.

She was fighting him now.  She was hitting him, pushing him away, still screaming.  “Listen to me!  Please!”  She wept, backing away from him.  Her heart was racing, her breaths shallow.

“STOP!”

*

He sat bolt upright, sweat dripping from his forehead as he panted uncontrollably. He was hurting her...why was he hurting her?  He didn’t stop, he was too wrapped up in his selfish desire, that persistent nagging and longing to find Luke Skywalker. The map he saw in his dream, that was the piece of the map they already had.  He took comfort in knowing he never actually forced that information from her, but he was still shocked by his own subconscious thoughts, letting him hurt her so horribly without any sense of guilt.

But he did feel guilty now.

His dark hair was slicked back with sweat to his forehead, his breaths uneven and his chest tight.  He was holding her…he was touching her…he  _needed_ her, but nevertheless he hurt her in a way he never thought possible.  She was screaming for him to stop and he ignored her, he let her suffer.

He swung his legs over the side of his new bed, the cold iron hitting his bare ankles.  He used one sleeve to try to wipe away the sweat.  He didn’t even realise he was crying until the tears hit his burn wound and started to sting.

He needed to see her.

Glancing over to the panel near his bed, he saw the time.  
"9:20...already..."  He groaned.  He was meant to be awake by 9; he had a lot to get done in a day.  Quickly dressing and securing his helmet, he hurried out of his room and went to search for Rey.

He checked the cell he had her in the night before.  The stormtroopers had left her a change of clothes, but they still sat in a pile on the floor, while Rey was nowhere to be seen.  He felt the familiar agony of his rage building. "Where is she?"  He snapped, turning to face one of the stormtroopers in charge.

"We were instructed to move her through to the interrogation room."  
"By who?"  
"General Hux, sir."

He sighed.  Hux probably wouldn't hurt her.  Hux would just talk and complain at her until she lost the will to live, just like he did with everyone else.

"Did she try to escape last night?"  
"No, sir.  She woke up early in the morning and looked like she was examining the cell, but she went back to sleep after a few minutes."  
"Did she eat this morning?"  
"Not much, sir, but she did eat something."  
"Good."

He turned on his heels and started marching towards the interrogation room he had been in just a few minutes ago in that awful dream.

*

He entered his code into the panel on the door and it slid open.  His eyes fell upon Rey, propped up in that contraption.  She was crying out in pain, struggling against her restraints even more than she had been the previous day.  Then, General Hux appeared before him, hands behind his back.  "Ren."  
"What are you doing to her?"  He snapped, storming into the room and letting the door hiss shut behind him.

"I'm looking for the map, Ren.  Something you were supposed to have done by now."  
"You're hurting her."  He growled, looking down to see Hux holding some kind of torture machinery, dripping with her blood.  He Force-grabbed it from him and sent it flying across the room.  
"This is a  _torture_  room, Ren.  Your fancy powers can't secure what we need, otherwise you would have  _done it by now_."  He hissed, marching over to pick up his weapon from the other side of the room.

In a wave of anger, Ren struck out his hand, freezing Hux in his place.  His eyes darted wildly around the room as he tried desperately to talk but failed.  His mouth was pinned shut, much to the delight of both Kylo Ren and Rey.  "You're weak-minded, General."

Hux's eyes narrowed, trying so desperately to argue back.  But, Ren, to Hux's horror, raised his other hand, and waved it slightly towards him.

"You will leave your weapon and exit the room."  Kylo Ren spoke calmly but at the same time menacingly, easily controlling the general's mind.  His eyes clouded over as Ren released his hold on him.

"I will leave my weapon and exit the room."  
"And you will not attempt to torture the girl again."  
"And I will not attempt to torture the girl again."

Hux hurriedly left the room, leaving Rey whimpering and heavily bleeding in her restraints.

“I apologize for his…behaviour.  We have different methods of securing information.”  
“I don’t know which I prefer.”  She hissed, her breathing slowly beginning to settle.

“You hate me, don’t you?  You’re hate makes you powerful.”  
“I told you, I don’t want you to teach me anything.”  
“I can make you more powerful than you could even dream, Rey.”  
“Stop it.”  She snapped.

Her words hit him like knives.  _She is telling me to stop…just like she did before, but I didn’t listen._ He looked up at her, and saw that look of anguish in her eyes.  _I will listen this time._

“Alright.  Alright, well…you’re hurt, aren’t you?”  
“It’s not that bad.” She mumbled, taken aback by his obedience.  She groaned, looking down at the gash on her right thigh. Blood poured down her leg, collecting in a puddle below the contraption.

“We have medical supplies.”  
“I’m fine.”  
“You can’t walk, and it could get infected.”  
“Why do you care?”  She spat, a look of confusion and distrust on her face.  He sighed in response.

“I’d like to keep you alive, girl.  Right now, you aren’t making it easy for me.”  
Rey opened her mouth to fight back, but instantly closed it again when he disappeared.

“FN-5699, get a medical droid down here.  And make it quick.”  He called down the corridor.  He turned back to face Rey, whose face had softened and no longer looked so angry.  She was beautiful when she was angry.  
She was more beautiful when she was at peace.


	4. Listening

She hissed as his gloved hand made contact with her leg.  “Careful…”  She muttered, watching the hooded and masked man sit back on his heels.  “Wouldn’t you be able to see better if you took off that helmet?”  She folded her arms, leaning back against the cold wall.

“I can see fine.”  He replied weakly.  He knew she was right, but he couldn’t reveal his face now.  She was too snappy, too unexplainably powerful.  To reveal he was nothing but flesh and bone, just like her…that would be suicide.  Not to mention she’d know how young he was.  Sith lords in their early twenties were never as powerful as they promised they were.  There’s only so much you can know at that stage in life.  No, he needed her to think he was wise, learned in the ways of the Force.

“I can see you shaking, Ren…”  She commented as he reached for the medical supplies held by a Stormtrooper.  “I’m telling you, a medical droid would know how to fix this.”

“Well, there aren’t any medical droids, _Rey_.”  He spat out her name like it was poisonous. She rolled her eyes and bit the inside of her cheek.

“And whose fault is that?”  She poked at him, eyeing the sparks flying off the metal heap in the corner.  “You have no control of your anger.”  
“You have no control of anything.  Shut your mouth and let me focus.”  He snapped.  The words left a sour taste in his mouth.  He was trying to help her, trying to lure her over to the dark side…trying to lure her to _him_.  But her pointed words and constant criticisms simply fed the fire of hatred inside of him.  He couldn’t even remember why the droid in the corner was in tatters, he had been so consumed in his rage.

Rey sighed in exasperation.  _His lightsaber is over there_ , she thought to herself.  _I’ll bet I can Force-whatever it over to me…I can strike him down and end it right here._   But she looked up at Kylo Ren, who was beginning to bandage up her wound.  She wished she could see his face.  She needed to know what he had to hide.  Maybe he was horribly disfigured, maybe he wasn’t even human.  Maybe he was a droid.  No, droids can’t have the Force. 

His hands seemed to be vibrating slightly.  “Why are you shaking?”  She queried, tilting her head slightly  to see if she could catch a glimpse of his face through the eye-holes of his mask.  To her dismay, all she could see was the reflection of her own curious face.

“Either you shut up, or I _make you_ shut up.”  He hissed, still fumbling about with her leg.

His sharpened and yet enticing words stabbed holes in her stomach.  Empty threats, she was sure, but nevertheless she shut her mouth and looked up at the ceiling.  _I wonder what you’re thinking, Kylo Ren._   She let her thoughts wander around, fully aware that he was most likely still poking around in her mind.  She wasn’t in any pain, though.  He couldn’t be looking too far.  Or perhaps he wasn’t looking into her mind…perhaps he was focused on the job at hand.

 _I could look into your thoughts, Ren…I could see what you’re thinking._  
This gained no reaction from him, and she sighed in relief.  Part of her was devilishly curious as to what was happening behind the mask, while part of her didn’t want to risk getting caught.  But, she ignored this.  _Okay, Rey…just do what you did before.  Find that energy and use it._

She felt her muscles clench as a sort of wind ran across her body.  She let her eyes flicker shut as she focused on one thing: Kylo Ren.

She felt her heart accelerate and her breaths quickening as she tried to give the energy some direction.  _Don’t choke him, don’t touch him, just look inside his mind,_ she told herself, raising one hand and barely lifting it from the floor.  Her hand was like a beacon, an interface between her thoughts and the Force around her. 

-

He fastened the bandages and started cleaning up the blood that had dried on her legs, but something felt wrong.  He felt strange…a new sense of paranoia, the feeling of someone watching him.  He urgently dismissed his thoughts – he would meditate on this later.  For now, he needed to clean up Rey.

-

She saw him twitching.  He knew something was happening, but he didn’t react.  He was compressing his emotions, perhaps so as to not appear weak in front of her.  She felt the need to push just a little further, and she raised her hand ever-so-slightly higher.  Her heart was thumping and her chest rose and fell far too quickly but she felt it, she felt _something_ coming through to her.

_…someone is watching me…_

She heard this thought and couldn’t help grinning.  She’d done it again… _twice_ now she’d found a way into his head.

_…there’s nobody here, I shouldn’t get paranoid..._

Her smile remained fixed on her face, but shrunk slightly.  He knew there was something going on, but he refused to acknowledge it.  She waved her hand slightly, and suddenly she was overcome by his thoughts, all competing and fighting each other.

_Why is there so much blood?  Why did he have to slice open her leg?  She must be in so much pain.  He must have thought she was a flight risk…she wouldn’t run away, would she?  She’s an intelligent girl; she must know that running is suicide.  Even if she made it off this station, I’d find her.  I’ll never let her leave. Oh, but how the dream is haunting me…maybe I should let her go.  Before I do something I regret.  Why is she breathing so quickly?  I can hear her heartbeat.  What’s happening to her?  Is she dying?  I can’t let her die._

She gasped as she forced herself out of his head.  It was like when she used to get her limbs stuck while she was scavenging, forcing herself into tiny places in the hopes that someone hadn’t been there first.  It was scary – she thought she’d never break free.   She’d only been in his head for a matter of seconds, and yet she’d found so much.

“Are you alright?”  Even through the robotic filter in his mask, she could hear the genuine worry in his voice.

“Uh…yeah, yeah I’m okay…”  She struggled to catch her breath.  She could feel her heart hammering in her chest, almost as if it was trying to break free.  Her lungs were in agony from her labored breathing.

Kylo Ren just looked at her, confused by what had overcome her.  “What was that?”  
“I…I don’t know, but I’m fine n-now…I’m alright.”  She stumbled and stuttered her way through the sentence. He stared blankly at her, unconvinced.

“Uh, thanks for patching up my leg.”  She quickly changed the subject, glancing down at his hand, which was waving menacingly towards her.

 _He’s going to read my mind…_ FUCK! _Okay…think about something else…sleep, I need sleep, and good god these clothes are covered in blood, I think I still have a change of clothes back in my cell…my cell, oh god I’m so tired…_

-

He looked at her with a mixture of anger, distrust, but above all, longing.  The way her chest rose and fell, at least now that she was calmer, and _god_ those little curls of hair by her ears…everything he saw in her was beautiful.  He could hear her heart thudding in her chest, the flickering panic behind her eyes.  Something was wrong…she was afraid.  Focusing all of his energy on her mind, he listened to her thoughts.

_…these clothes are covered in blood, I think I still have a change of clothes back in my cell…my cell, oh god I’m so tired…_

And then he withdrew.  She was hiding something beneath that.  Her thoughts sounded too false to be real.  But, the way her eyelids fluttered shut for a few seconds at a time was enough of a reason to take her back to her cell.

He stood up and offered his hand, which she gripped as she pulled herself up off the wall.  “Can you w-”

As she put weight on her injured leg, she fell forwards into his arms.  He held his breath as her left hand sprawled out against his lower chest.  “ _Shit_ …”  She hissed, trying to push herself back up from him into a standing position.  She forced herself up and tried again, this time falling so that his arm caught her underneath her chest.  He inhaled sharply. _She’s so close to me…she’s touching me, her hand is on my chest…_

Accepting she couldn’t support herself, she turned so that his arm held her back and he reached underneath her to scoop her up in his arms.  “I’ve got you.”  He mumbled, revelling in the feeling of her chest rising and falling against his.  He was almost tempted to carry her all the way around the station, just so he never had to put her down.  But he ignored this, and he carried her back to her cell, where a Stormtrooper opened the door for them.  He carried her inside and laid her gently down on the ledge, just as he had done the day before.  “Your leg will heal in time.  Don’t try walking on it anytime soon.”

The urge to reply with a bitterly sarcastic remark was overwhelming, but instead she bit her tongue and nodded.  “Uh…thanks.”  She mumbled, her breaths shallow as he turned to leave.  Part of her wanted to cry out, to tell him to stay with her, but she forced herself to stay silent.  _He held me…he helped me and he carried me…_

She didn’t want to change out of her clothes anymore.  For a start, there was a tiny window on her cell door, and she didn’t want to risk a Stormtrooper seeing her naked.  And her clothes…they smelled of _him_ now, that woodsy scent that she was beginning to crave. 

*

Later that night, Kylo Ren tossed and turned in his bed, unable to find a position comfortable enough to sleep in.  _You’re a Knight of Ren, you don’t need comfort to sleep…_ he told himself, restlessly pushing himself up into a sitting position.  _Is it her?  I can’t go back into that dream…I hurt her so badly…FUCK, what can I do?_

His head was starting to ache.

-

Rey sat on the cold stone ledge of her cell, staring at the door that led to Kylo Ren.  _What are you thinking?_ She was becoming obsessed with the way his mind worked. _Why do you wear that mask?  Why can’t you bring yourself to hurt me?  Why…what are you scared of?_

She thought back to earlier in the day when he was bandaging her leg.  What was he thinking?  It was something to do with a dream.  A dream that made him think that he should let her leave.  Why?  What happened in that dream?  It sounded more like a nightmare.  _Are you dreaming now? Can I see what you’re dreaming, Ren?_

She sat upright and closed her eyes.  _I want to see what you’re dreaming_.  She summoned that energy once more.  The cold wind that filled her lungs, ran through her veins, reached her brain and waited for her command.  _Don’t hurt him…I can’t see him through the door, how will I know if I’m hurting him?_   She shook her head. _I’ll know if I’m doing it right if I can hear this thoughts again._

She moved her hand and let the Force flow from her brain down to her fingertips.  _Show me what you’re thinking_.  She felt her heart quicken, but this time she tried to keep it steady.  Her breaths were long and even, and she wasn’t nearly as shaky as she was earlier.

_…I can’t go back into that dream…_

She grinned.  Even through the door, she could feel his thoughts.

_…I hurt her so badly…FUCK, what can I do?  My head hurts…I don’t want to hurt her…_

The smile disappeared from her face.  Why was he so afraid of hurting her?

_…Rey…I was holding her, her hand was on my chest…she trusted me then…what if the dream comes true?  What if I get too close to her…and I hurt her?  She was so close to me…she’s…why does my head hurt?  It’s like earlier on…is someone watching me?_

Gasping, she retracted the Force from his mind and collapsed back on the ledge, the cold stone sending shivers down her spine.  _He dreamed about me…_ she thought to herself.   _He’s so afraid of hurting me…_

-

Kylo Ren pushed his sheets aside in frustration.  It wasn’t a headache…headaches don’t just _vanish_.  He pulled himself out of bed.  _Someone was inside my head…_ he groaned.  _Was it Snoke?  No…no, it didn’t feel like his presence.  It felt like…hers._

He hurried over to the door, kicking his helmet out of the way.  “Is everything alright, sir?”  The Stormtroopers asked as he pushed past.

“Yes, yes, everything’s fine.” He mumbled dismissively, walking over to her cell and looking in through the window on the door.  She was lying there, nearly asleep, but out of breath.  Just like she was when he was bandaging her leg.

“Fuck!”  He growled, storming back to his quarters.

-

Rey was startled awake, still out of breath from her invasion of his mind just a few minutes prior.  She glanced up at the window of her cell, only to see the long dark hair of a familiar stranger disappear from sight.


	5. Hurting

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> yay spoilers!

Rey didn’t sleep that night.

That hair, long and dark and curly…it must have been his.  His presence was so strong.  And his anger…his screaming profanities were enough to frighten her, but as he got closer to the cell door she could _feel_ the red hot rage that was burning in his heart.  For a second, she swore she could taste that burning fire he left as he stormed back to his quarters.

 _He felt it.  He knew I was inside his mind…_ she swore under her breath.  _Of course he knew, he’s a damn Sith lord, he was probably expecting it!  Rey, you’re so fucking_ stupid _, stupid stupid girl…_

She looked down at her leg, which was beginning to burn.  _Is he doing that?  Is this his punishment?_ She pushed herself up into a sitting position and leaned back against the wall.  It was like salt in a papercut…it was stinging, but it wasn’t entirely insufferable.  The bandages covering it were tinted pink around the wound.  _Fuck, it is bleeding again?_

The butterflies in her stomach turned into wasps, wasps that had just been shaken up in a jar and released.  Her breathing became painful, her heartbeats slowing down.  She was shaking.  _Am I scared?  I shouldn’t be scared…I’m not scared of him, I’m not scared of him, no…_

She could hear her heartbeat in her ears, blood forcing itself through her veins.  _Am I dying? No, he won’t let me die…he said it himself, he’d never let me die._

_-_

He sat in the centre of his room, his legs crossed and his hands knotted together.  He heard her heartbeat, slow and rhythmical in comparison to his, beating like a drum in a marching band.  His eyes were squeezed shut so hard it was beginning to hurt, his breathing becoming painful.  He was trying so hard to repress his anger, to not let it hurt her.  His thoughts were betraying him.

 _Pretty little scavenger, she defeats me again…she can stare right into my head and I didn’t even notice it!  She will pay for her defiance, I will_ make _her pay for this!  She looks for my weaknesses, and she finds them handed to her on a_ fucking _silver platter…why is she stronger than I am?  Why can’t I defeat her, the scrawny little runt that she is…why can’t I keep her at bay?_

He was trying so desperately to push his thoughts away.  He needed his focus, he needed to meditate.  He needed to find that place of calm if he was to sleep tonight, and lord knows he wouldn’t manage another day if he didn’t sleep tonight.

He knew she was the root of his anger.  He knew that if he wanted to find peace, he would need to silence his thoughts of her.  _Pretty little fucking runt…she’s just a scrawny little scavenger.  I won’t be defeated by a scrawny little scavenger._

-

Her heart was beating so slowly.  Her lungs felt lazy, never filling entirely and leaving her slightly out of breath.  She pulled herself back up into a sitting position for what felt like the billionth time.  Her hand traveled to her neck.  Her pulse was so slow…was her heart just giving up on her?

She let her hand fall to her side and closed her eyes.  Maybe it was her body shutting down because she needed to sleep.  _Go to sleep…just go to sleep…_ she told herself.  But there was something so wrong…she was in distress, she didn’t know what to do with herself, there was something wrong and everything was beginning to hurt and she didn’t understand why…and then she sat bolt upright and forced herself away from the wall. _Oh fuck, oh fuck…_

She couldn’t breathe.

Her hands came up to her throat as she tried to free herself from his grasp.  The wasps in her stomach escaped, burning and stinging every nerve in her body.  “KYLO!”  She cried out, a strangled gasp that barely made any sound at all.  _There are Stormtroopers outside…_ she reminded herself, pushing herself to her feet.

She felt sick, her heart was pulsing so loudly, so _fucking_ loudly and it was in her ears and in her brain and _oh my god I’m going to die...s_ he took one step forwards towards her cell door.  The bright lights of the corridor outside were dimming.  She moved her left leg forwards, she put all of her weight on it, it starting _screaming_ out and she fell, she scraped the wound against the ledge and the searing agony of it produced a shriek, a _real_ shriek.

She saw the shiny glint of a Stormtrooper’s helmet as her eyes started to twitch and burn in their sockets.  Her throat was red raw, the tiny amount of oxygen that could squeeze through his grasp was beginning to feel like swallowing razor blades.  “Are you alright?”  The Stormtrooper asked, peering in through the window of her cell to see her on the ground, boiling tears that kissed and burned her skin at the same time as her hands tore violently at her throat, pushing something away that wasn’t there.

“Inform Master Ren.”  The Stormtrooper commanded as he unlocked and pulled the door of her cell open.

-

 _She can’t hurt me, she’s just a_ fucking _scavenging runt, no…no, I am stronger, so much fucking_ stronger _than she could ever dream of being…I am a Knight of Ren, she is nothing more than a mouse playing with fire…_

His anger was inconsolable.  He couldn’t throw it away, he could only push it back in her direction.  _If you’re reading my mind, Rey…if you’ve dared to do it again, I swear I will make you pay…dirty little fucking scavenger-_

“Sir, the girl is in distress.”  
“Who gave you the authority to come in here?  This room is off limits, you know that.”  He spat back at the Stormtrooper.

“I apologize, Sir, but she cannot breathe.”  
“What?”  The anger vanished in that instant as he forced himself to his feet, stopping to consider his helmet.  No…no, he didn’t have time.  If she saw his face, so be it.

The Stormtrooper walked with him to Rey’s cell, where the door was wide open.  _If she’s used this as an escape route I will fucking kill her._   But, upon arriving at the cell, he saw she was in more pain than he could have imagined.

“She’s better now, Sir.  She couldn’t breathe a minute ago.”  
“Why?”  
“I don’t know, Sir.  Her hands were at her neck, but there was nothing choking her.”  
“Leave us.”  He instructed, kneeling by Rey’s side.

-

The lights were sharper now.  She could see, but _god_ her breathing was so painful. Her hands had left red marks around her neck, and the bandage around her leg was soaked in blood, the wound torn open again by either the force of his attack or the ledge when she fell.

She closed her eyes as the Stormtroopers left.  A voice…a voice she didn’t recognise, but it wasn’t clear enough to identify.  All she heard was a dull ringing in her ears.

-

He looked down at her fragile body.  Her eyelids fluttered as she closed her eyes, her chest rising and falling at an alarming rate.  Her neck…her hands had nearly drawn blood from it in a desperate attempt to breathe.

Her leg wound had been split open again, blood covering the cell floor.  He hoped that was the only thing that was bleeding…god, he _prayed_ that he hadn’t cut her in his rage.  “Rey…Rey, can you hear me?”  He called out to her, weaving an arm underneath her back and pulling her up onto his lap.  “Rey, please talk to me…”  He was sounding more and more desperate, like a child.  Like a _fucking_ child… _Rey, what are you doing to me?_

-

She felt strong arms beneath her, holding her close.  A dull murmur of a voice, and then she was against something…not as strong as a wall, nor as tough as his armour…no, she was behind held to his chest.  Her head hung back against his arms, her eyes too sore to open.  Her throat was in so much pain…she’d never been so grateful for oxygen in her life.

“Rey, please talk to me…”

It was a plead, he was begging…she still wasn’t entirely sure who.  She was searching for the smell, the smell of trees and wood and _fire_ …and she knew it was him.  Her eyes fluttered and slowly, slowly opened.

The long, curly dark hair was what she saw first, and then a long face with dark, pleading eyes and a mouth that was moving but only making the tiniest of sounds.

“Ky…lo.”  She rasped, staring up at him.   He looked terrified, pitiful, but she could still feel that fiery rage in his chest.  She hated being weak.  She hated knowing she needed help, she hated not being able to fix herself.  But she didn’t mind so much if it was him that would be fixing her instead.

-

Her red, sore eyes stared back at him.  She tried to say his name, but it came out as a strangled whisper.  His eyes stung with tiny pinpricks that threatened to draw tears.  She was in so much pain, like a rabbit torn apart by a fox, just clinging to her life.  It pained him more than he could imagine just _looking_ at it, and to know that it was him that did it to her, and that he didn’t even realise…was terrifying.

“I’m sorry, Rey…I’m so so sorry…I…”  He sighed out, his cold bare hand wiping away a bead of sweat on her forehead.  “I didn’t mean to hurt you…”

She parted her lips slightly, perhaps trying to talk back. But nothing came out, and he wanted to scream at himself for letting her hurt so badly.

“Kylo Ren…”  She finally spoke clearly, the  pain in her throat subsiding.  “I didn’t know you had it in you.”  She sighed almost disappointedly but with a hint of understanding.  Like she thought she deserved it.

“You were right.  I can’t control my anger.”  
“Of course I was right.”  She whispered, her eyes slowly closing.  “I can read you like a book, you know.”  
“I’m not going to discuss that with you now.  Wait until morning.”  He growled, a spark of rage still burning through his thoughts.  _No, you won’t be angry,_ he told himself.  _You saw what your anger did to her._

Rey smiled weakly.  _Holy fuck…_ it was the first time he’d ever seen her smile.  His breath hitched.  _Fuck, she should never smile at me…_ he thought to himself.  _I can’t handle that._

“Sleep now…I have to go.  I’ll get someone to clean up your leg.”  
“You think you’re scary…”  She mumbled.

“What?”  
“You think you scare me…but there’s good in you.  I can feel it…he’s not dead yet…”

Kylo Ren sucked in his breath.  She knew exactly how to push his buttons…and he couldn’t help but smile in response.  “You’re wrong, Rey.  He _is_ dead.  He’s been dead for years.”

“No…he’s there.”  Her voice was barely a whisper.  “Ben Solo…he _lives_.  You haven’t killed him yet.”

Her words hurt him, reopening wounds he’d long since forgotten.

“There!   I can feel your fire…you’re so angry at the world.  Ben isn’t angry.  Ben is calm…he’s the only reason you haven’t killed me…yet.”

He winced as she said that.  _Yet…she knows it was me.  She knows it’s my fault she’s lying here, she knows it was me that strangled her within an inch of her life._

“You won’t kill me, Ben.  You won’t…kill me…”  She sighed, staring up at his face.  He closed his eyes.  She called him Ben, and that was enough to make him so unbelievably mad.  But the way she said it, the way she looked at him with that kind of loving gaze…he was so conflicted.

“Sleep.  I’m not staying.”  He spoke coldly, not letting any emotion shine through.  He lifted her off the ground, sending in two Stormtroopers and a not-quite-finished medical droid as he laid her down on the ledge.  “Don’t even think about looking inside my mind again, Rey.”  He warned, knowing he would have to talk to her about it tomorrow, preferably without attacking her.

As he turned to leave, she giggled.  _Fuck…fuck, that’s not okay…_ he was almost angry at her for being so incredibly defiant, but at the same time so delicate and childish.

“You’re cute when you’re mad, Ben.”  She whispered, watching him turn and leave her cell.

He pushed past the Stormtroopers patrolling the corridor as he hurried towards the room he knew only too well.  Summoning all the power he could, he sent out a message to his master.  _Supreme Leader Snoke…I seek guidance.  On…on the girl._

 


	6. Resistance

The room was relatively empty, with a strip of rock cut away from the floor that led to an enormous chair carved away from the wall.   On that chair was a hologram of his master, Supreme Leader Snoke, who had been projected to a hundred times his normal size.

“Kylo Ren.”  
“Master.” He sunk to his knees and bowed his head before slowly rising again.

“The girl is causing you trouble?”  
“No…well, yes.  She’s gifted with the force, more so than I anticipated.”  
Snoke’s eyes narrowed as he searched for her presence.  “So she is.  I wonder how we didn’t detect this sooner.”  
“She seems to have a method of concealing it.”  He looked down at his feet.  His face grew red with shame as Snoke stared down.

“Your anger…I can sense it.  She has bested you, hasn’t she?”  
There was no point in denying it, Snoke could stare right into his thoughts from half way across the galaxy.  Just like she could.  _Fuck…_

“Yes.  She saw into my mind…three times.  She found my fears within seconds.  I didn’t even realise.”  
Snoke sank back into his chair.  “Three times, you say…she has been well trained.”  
“I would agree, Master, but it would appear that she has not been trained at all.”

Snoke raised a hand to his chin, deep in thought.  _He’s reading her mind…he’ll probably find the map within seconds.  He’s so much stronger._

“Your thoughts betray you, young one.  She has hidden the map deeper than I had hoped, and from my position I cannot look as far.  But you are capable of finding it, Kylo Ren.  So…”

His mouth curled into a snarl, his eyes narrowed.  “…why has it not been _done_?”  He growled.

He slunk back from his master, his eyes glued to a drop of blood on the floor.  “I have failed you, Master.  I let my own desires interfere, and she has exploited them.”  
“You are so _afraid_ , Kylo Ren.  You are afraid of…hurting her.” He hissed.

_Yes, but that didn’t stop me from nearly killing her.  I should have left her to die.  I have been so stupid._

“You are so conflicted, boy.  You know what you need to do, but you are too _weak_ to do it.  And because of your weakness, you have lost your chance to secure the map.”  
“I can try again, master-”

“No, Ren, you cannot!  She _knows_ your weakness now!”  His yells were like thunder, echoing off every surface.  He waited until the room was once again silent and let his face soften before he spoke again.  “You will have to complete your training before you can find it now…you will need to learn how to defend yourself against her attacks.  I will continue your training upon my return.  But…now, you have another task at hand.”  
Kylo Ren bowed his head.  
“You will convert her to the dark side of the Force, and you will train her yourself.”  
“Yes, my master.”  
“Do _not_ fail me again, Kylo Ren.”  Snoke warned as he left the room.

*

He hurried down the countless corridors that connected his quarters to Snoke’s, nearly breaking into a run.  It was as if the further he went, the less likely Snoke would be able to see into his thoughts, which no longer resembled those of the Knight of Ren and were beginning to solely revolve around _her._  

There was a distinct lack of Stormtroopers upon his arrival outside her cell.  _Is it time for their shift change already?_ He always spent far too long in Snoke’s company, hours just ticking by as he was given his next assignment.  It felt like the entire planet was deserted; the Stormtroopers had a nasty habit of taking a half-hour break on shift changes.

“Rey?”  He called out upon arriving at her cell, pressing the various buttons on the panel and letting the door open.  His eyes skimmed the pool of blood on the floor from the previous day, the ledge he’d laid her down on not five hours ago, the pile of clothes she stubbornly refused to wear.

She was nowhere to be seen.

“Rey…” He growled, the fire in his belly erupting into every muscle and bone in his body.  _Fuck, of course she’s gone!  How could I be so_ fucking _stupid? Pretty little scavenger, the fucking runt…she’s outdone me again…_

He slammed the door closed and stormed down the corridor.  _Where could she be?  Little mouse, she’s probably escaped by now…FUCK!_

He knew in his heart of hearts that she valued her freedom over power.  She would never stay in a cell if there was a chance for her to escape.

Escape. _The shuttles…_ he thought, stopping in his tracks and closing his eyes.  The Force could guide him to her.  “Yes…she’s there.”  He told himself, turning on his heels and hurrying past a patrol of Stormtroopers.  “The girl has escaped!  I want her found before it gets dark.  She’s injured, she can’t have gotten far.” He shouted as he shoved past, hearing their panicked mumbling and then pounding footsteps.

-

Darting in and out of holes and crevices in the walls of the station, she scampered past entire groups of Stormtroopers undetected.  “Yes…”  She praised herself under her breath.  “Yeah…yeah, I can do this…”  She weaved back and forwards between pipes until the ground beneath her suddenly came to an abrupt halt.  She looked down over the edge.  _Yes…they must be on the floor below…I bet I can climb down this.  It’ll hurt my leg…but I can handle that._

Putting all of her weight on her hands, she pushed herself down over the edge and gripped a protruding lever.  It would have appeared to be an entire wall of levers and handles; almost too easy for her to scale with her decades of climbing experience.  It took no time at all for her to reach the end of the wall and land on the floor below.

“Nearly there…they must be here.”  She mumbled between quick breaths, forcing herself between two pipes and waiting as the group of Stormtroopers marched past.

She swiftly pulled herself out again and sprinted to where her gut was telling her the shuttles were.  “Yes…they’re here!”  She cried out before clasping her hands over her mouth.  _Quiet, Rey…you’ll alert the whole fucking station!_   She darted forwards to where a panel was attached to the wall.  “D’Qar…not Jakku, he’ll find me…”  She stopped herself mid-sentence.  Him.  _Shit…shit, no, pull yourself together!  He’ll kill you for escaping, that is if he doesn’t for reading his mind…he wishes you harm.  You have to get out of here._ Her thoughts were painful, but it gave her the kick she needed to program the shuttle.

That was until she heard the heavy boots and fizz of his lightsaber.

-

“Rey…”

He watched her eyes widen and her lips part as she muttered a string of profanities. He could feel her fear practically bouncing off the walls.  _She fears me.  I shouldn’t have hurt her._   His mind wouldn’t shut up.  _She thinks I’m a monster, she thinks I tried to kill her, she hates me now, oh how she fucking_ hates _me now…_

He stalked towards her, waving his lightsaber menacingly.  “Why did you run?”  
“You’d kill me if I didn’t…you didn’t leave me a choice!”

“Come with me, and I won’t hurt you.”  
“Your thoughts betray you, Ren!” She cried.  _How many times have I heard that today?_ He asked himself.  “I read your mind, you told yourself you’d never hurt me…and yet, look what you’ve done now…”  Her voice deteriorated to a whisper as he drew ever closer. _She was so calm yesterday…she called me Ben, she told me I was fucking_ cute… _what a different person she is when she’s frightened._

_-_

“I won’t ask you again.  I promise you, I won’t hurt you.”  His voice was unusually calm and gentle, and she felt her heart twitch.  
“Only if you take off your mask.”  The words passed her lips without her permission, and she bit down on her tongue.  _Are you fucking serious, Rey?_ She swore at herself, trying desperately to keep a calm face.  She knew that she meant it; the mask made her uncomfortable to say the least.  She liked his voice, and the way his eyes softened when he looked at her.  But he tilted his head when she said it, and she knew that she’d made a mistake.  _Of course he won’t take off his mask for you, Rey.  Stupid girl._

-

His breath caught in his throat.  She was pushed up against the wall, tapping at the panel to erase whatever she’d programmed into it.  Her words rang in his head.  Did it really frighten her?  He remembered the look on her face when he told her she wasn’t afraid of the mask, and the way her eyes darted away and she pushed herself back into the restraints.  He wasn’t sure how he felt about frightening Rey.  It felt good to have some control over his prisoner, but at the same time there was an underlying guilt to it.  And she was so _pretty_ when she was calm.

-

She couldn’t press herself further back from him if she tried.  Her body was nearly leaving a dent in the panel.  He was only a few metres from her now.  _Stupid girl, he’ll strangle you again._   She closed her eyes as he took another step closer to her.

And then she heard a hiss, followed by a click.  “Better?”

His normal voice echoed through the empty corridors, and she let her eyes open.  _Holy hell…_ she felt her stomach twist up into knots.  “Yeah…yeah, that’s better.”  She gulped as he nodded towards one of the seemingly thousands of halls that would lead to her cold dark cell.  She pushed herself away from the wall and, becoming increasingly mindful of how close she was to him, walked with him back to the interrogation room.

*

He entered his code and the door opened.  “Again?”  She sighed, hanging back as he walked in.  
He turned to her as he put his helmet down on the floor, giving her a look that could only be described as a plea.

Sighing, she walked in and stood next to the contraption she seemed to spend so much of her time in.  But he didn’t move to secure her to the uncomfortable metal plate she was beginning to despise so much; no, he just looked at her and grinned.  “You’re not going to run again, Rey.  I know that.”

-

He watched her face soften as she moved away from it and instead focused her gaze on him.   “Why did you remove your mask for me?”  She queried, eyeing him like a cat watching a mouse.  Her eyes narrowed slightly, but he couldn’t sense her fear.  _She’s not scared…_

“I knew you’d be inside a shuttle and heading back to Jakku before I had the chance to say no.  And I don’t like knocking you out, it’s just a hassle to deal with when you wake up.”

Her mouth opened as if she were going to reply, but only a satisfied ‘huh’ came out.  Her gaze danced across the floor, then back to him.   She desperately wanted to break the silence, but she had nothing to say.  Her hand moved down to her leg, which seemed to be in much better shape than it was the day before.

“Why did you run, Rey?  You’re injured, and you have no idea where you are in the galaxy.  I thought you knew that.”  His tone was unintentionally growing colder, and she bit down on her lip, her eyes suddenly finding anything to look at but him.  
“I was scared.  I told you that.  I didn’t know how you were going to react in the morning when you’d had time to think it over.”  
Her words hit him like bullets.  _She thought I would hurt her even more…she thinks I still want to hurt her…_

“Do you remember what happened last night?”  His voice shook as he spoke, wincing slightly at the memory.  “Do you remember what I said?”

She sighed and looked up from the floor, her eyes shifting uneasily in their sockets.  “I remember…I felt strange.  Like…panicked.  My heart was slowing down and I was breathless but I couldn’t bring myself to breathe properly.  I thought I was dying…but then I remembered,” she stared right into his eyes. “…that you’d never be able to kill me.”  
“I never said that.”  He snapped defensively.

“You _thought_ it…and I saw it.  And I remembered it.  So…I really couldn’t understand why I was hurting so much.  And I tried to sleep, and then I felt this new kind of fear…you… _choked_ me…within an inch of my fucking _life_.”  Her voice had disappeared.  She seemed to feel betrayed, as if she had some great trust in him that he had taken and used against her.

“You…swore you couldn’t hurt me.” She hissed.  “It was at the forefront of your thoughts, you said you couldn’t bring yourself to hurt me, because of a dream-”

“Yes, that’s enough.”  He spat, recoiling away from her.  “Do you remember what I said to you when you came around again? Or do I have to repeat myself?”

She gulped and leaned back against the wall.  “No.  I remember falling and screaming, and then I saw your face and I remembered your hair, and I couldn’t hear anything because my ears were ringing and then I was asleep again.”

He sighed.  He had to make a choice now.  He could either tell her the truth, that he never meant to hurt her and it was all an accident because he’s unable to control his anger and _god_ she makes him so angry…or, he could pretend it was a punishment for invading his mind and keep her in fear of him.

His teeth bit down on the inside of his cheek.  He couldn’t lie to her.  He needed her to trust him if he was going to turn her.

“I didn’t mean to hurt you.”  
“What?”  
“It was an accident.  I was trying to meditate because I was so _fucking angry_ at you for reading my mind, and then one of the troopers told me you couldn’t breathe.”  His voice softened at the end of his sentence.  “I didn’t _know_ I was hurting you.”

-

She sank back into the wall.  _It was a mistake._ She couldn’t get her head around it.  “You were so angry at me…and yet you tried to _meditate_ it away rather than seek revenge?”

She thought he’d have some logical explanation for it.  But he simply nodded.  “I don’t want to hurt you.  I want you to join me, I want to show you how to use your power…I want to teach you, and I can’t teach you if you don’t trust me.”

“You want to teach me how to use the Force, and yet you can’t control your own anger.  What kind of teacher can teach what they don’t know?”

“I can teach you the basics while I complete my training from my master, Rey.  You know you have so much power, and there’s more to it than reading minds.”

She simply stared at him from across the room and shook her head slightly.  “You’re so confusing.  You’re telling me that you can teach me the ways of the dark side of the Force, but you belong to the _light_. I can see it, Ben, and your father-”

His lightsaber hissed and suddenly he was right at her throat, towering over her with the flickering and fizzing beam of red under her chin.  His breathing was sore and laboured, his heartbeats uneven.  His eyes were squeezed shut, and he winced as she cried out in shock.  “Ben Solo is _dead_ , and _his_ father knows that.”  He growled through gritted teeth.

“He’s there…”  She sighed, raising one hand and placing it over his heart.  “Ben is still alive.  You can try to cover it up with any number of layers of armour but he _lives_.  You haven’t killed him yet.”

He felt his heart cry out as she stared up at him.  He could see the unstable sparks of his lightsaber dancing against her neck, but she didn’t seem to care.  Slowly, reluctantly, he disengaged his lightsaber and let it fall to the ground, and out of the corner of his eye he could see her smile.

She looked up at him, his lips so dangerously close to hers.  “You see?  Kylo Ren told you to keep that lightsaber at my neck, to keep me in my place. But, Ben told you to let me breathe.”

“Rey…”  He sighed, every nerve in his body sparking with electricity because _she’s so fucking close…_

“You listened to Ben, and now your anger has disappeared.  Do you feel it?  Can you feel how peaceful Ben is?”

He sighed as she started to retract her hand.  “It’s not too late to go home, Ben.” She whispered as he closed the gap between them.  “You can be at peace.”

He ducked his head down.  “I _am_ at peace.”  They were slowly drifting towards each other, neither of them sure about what would happen next.  “I’m at peace…when I’m with you.”

She lifted her hand again, only this time to touch his face, tracing his jawline with her finger.  Her eyelids fluttered shut and _she’s breathing so softly_.  He moved one hand to touch under her chin.

“Ben…”  She sighed softly, opening her eyes.  He felt his stomach flip over and over as she lifted her head up to him before he swept down and finally caught her lips on his.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> sorry this chapter is so long, I got carried away :3  
> also you should totally follow my star wars tumblr at fuckinstormpilot.tumblr.com


	7. Sparks

Knights of Ren don’t ever close their eyes.  They don’t let their guard down for a split second – nowhere is safe and everything could be a danger.  Even at night, when their minds cry out for sleep, they are preparing for an attack.  And why wouldn’t they be?  They are fighters, and fighters cannot lose focus.  Those that do, end up dead.

But in that moment Kylo Ren didn’t care.  His eyes were closed and his lightsaber was god-knows-where and his hands were on _her_.   If he died in that moment he would die happy, something he could never bring himself to believe until now.  And the _peace_ …he’d never felt anything like it.  It was an explosion of emotion; love, craving, satisfaction, panic, hunger…it couldn’t feel any less peaceful to him, but it was the polar opposite of the anguish and pain he had grown so used to.

His hands were on her neck and at the base of her spine, pulling her closer and closer but never close _enough_ and her face was touching his and the sensation was so incredible, he couldn’t process the thoughts in his head fast enough. 

Her skin, hardened and dried by the scorching sun of Jakku, and yet so soft and pure to his touch.  Her lips, still brandished with every harsh and poisonous word she spat at him and yet they were _perfect_ as they danced against his.  The lines and scars of her hands, with dirt, sand and dust nestled so deep they’d never be clean again but they were _her_ hands and he didn’t care, so long as they were on his chest and his shoulders and running through his hair.

He opened his eyes as she sank back against the wall, the cold ghost of where her lips had been left on his face.  She was slightly breathless, her lips only slightly parted and her eyes still closed.  He could have watched her forever.  When she slowly opened her eyes again, his knees became jelly.  

“Can I ask you something?”  The sweet gentleness of her voice shattered the silence neither of them realised was forming.  Her hands still tangled and combed through his hair, her gaze moving from his eyes to his lips down to his neck.

“Yes…”  He mumbled, bringing up a hand to play with a curl of hair by her ear.  She let out what had to be the tiniest gasp he’d ever heard .

“Ben…can you leave?”

His face fell into a sad smile.  He wished he had to ask what she meant, but he knew she was talking about the dark side by the way her eyes fell.  _Snoke would find me in an instant and either kill me slowly and painfully or bring me back for a new kind of torture…_ he reminded himself, although looking into her eyes and watching the corners of her mouth fall, he knew he couldn’t say it.

He sighed as she looked down at the floor.  “No.” It was barely a whisper from his lips, but she heard it and sighed.

“Why?”  
“Snoke would sense my absence and he’d track me across the galaxy.  Even if I ran for the rest of my life, he’d catch me eventually.  He’s…he’s too powerful.”

-

Rey swore she could hear her heart crying out in pain.  She had no idea how badly she wanted Kylo Ren to return to the light until now, until she’d endangered him even more because _Snoke probably watched us kiss, he probably listened to our thoughts and now he’s probably writing a list of ways he can torture Ben because of it._

“Can…can he hear us?  Right now?”  
“I don’t know, Rey.  I don’t want to find out.”

Her eyes narrowed slightly and the corners of her mouth lifted into a smirk.  “I have an idea, but I don’t want to say it until he definitely can’t hear us.”  She moved forwards and wrapped her arms around him as she spoke, her head resting on his chest and listening to his heartbeat.

He grinned as she said that.  Her mischievous eyes stared up at him, her mouth forming a satisfied smirk.   He could feel her fire, her anger and her plotting inside her mind, and he felt the butterflies in his stomach return. 

“Give me your hands.”  
“What?”  She objected as he turned away and started fiddling with something behind the torture contraption.  “Ben, what are you-”

“You can’t call me Ben here.  Snoke’s presence is strong, and if he hears it he might kill you himself.”

She bit down on her tongue.  _Okay then_.

He reappeared in front of her and grabbed her wrists, swiftly pressing handcuffs over them and clicking them shut.  “Hey!”  
“Shush.  I’m going to take you back to your cell, and I’m going to come back in a few hours to get you.  I need to go talk to Snoke again.”  
“About what?   Kylo, you’re crazy if you think I’m going to sit in a cell handcuffed while you two have another little chat.”  Her fire was burning as she started to get defensive.

“Okay.  Rey, so you just told me where the droid is.  You told me where I can find the map.  And I don’t know if I believe you, so I’m going to take you back to Takodana and you will _show_ me where the droid is.”  
“The fuck are you on about?”  
“Just go with it.”

*

Almost 3 hours later, Ren reappeared.  “He should be occupied with his business in another system, we can talk privately on Takodana.  If anyone asks why we’re there, we’re looking for the droid.  And, I know you liked it there.”  
“Before you waltzed in, bombed it to shit and knocked me out, yes, it was nice.”  She poked at him, grinning as he took her arm and led her to his shuttle.  “What about the Stormtroopers?”  
“There won’t be any.  You’re piloting.”  
“Wow, thanks for the heads up.”  She mumbled sarcastically, nudging him moodily as he pushed her on board.

*

The journey was relatively short, taking only a few hours before they were back in the lush greenery of the forest.  “You can hear the birds…” She mumbled, listening intently as they called out.

“No birds on Jakku?”  
“Not ones that sing.”  She replied quietly, mesmerised by the colourful wings and songs.

“Are we safe to talk?”  
“Yes.”  He replied bluntly, propping his feet up on the controls of the ship.

She narrowed her eyes at him until he took them off again.

“I want you to train me.”  She said, brushing the hair out of her face.  His mouth dropped open.  
“What?  Rey…do you not remember what you told me, maybe 6 hours ago?  About…Ben, and the light, and-”  
“Let me finish.” She snapped, holding up a finger to his lips.  “I want you to train me until we are both masters.”  She moved her hand and gently closed his gaping mouth.  “And then…”  She paused, glancing away.

“…and then I want us to kill Supreme Leader Snoke and escape for good.”

He leaned back in his chair, running a hand through his hair.  She watched his face intently, looking for some kind of sign of agreement.

He nodded gently. “Okay.  Okay, that might work…”  
She grinned and stood up to exit the ship.  “We can make a proper plan later, right now I want to see the birds.”  Her voice quietened as she disappeared outside, promptly followed by Ren, who stood behind her and wrapped his arms around her.

His heart slowed down as she looked up at him.  _Holy fuck._   And suddenly it wasn’t a desire or a want, it was a need.  An empty hole that needed to be filled before he could continue to live.  “Can I kiss you?” He whispered, and she turned around to face him with a smile that reached all the way to her eyes before she rose up on tiptoe and let his lips connect with hers.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> sorry this one's shorter, stuff happened and i didn't feel like writing but hey ho reylo


	8. One Year Later

“Come on, _lift_!”  His arms were draped over a pile of rocks behind him, his head resting on his shoulder. The sun danced against his bare chest, light swallowed by scars and wounds from years gone by. The trees hung over them, offering the tiniest patch of shade to Rey, who was holding herself up in a handstand.

“I _am_!”  She spat though her clenched teeth, her arms shaking.   She was supporting her entire body weight as well as some large boulders hovering around her.  
“Well, lift higher!”  He teased, reaching up to an overhanging branch and picking a small berry.   
“Easy for you to say…”  She hissed, channelling all of her energy and forcing the boulders up into the air.  “Better?”  
“Not really.  Come on, _really_ push.”  
“I am, you prick!”  She felt the blood rushing to her head.  He’d thrown her off balance – she sucked in a long breath and slowly exhaled, bringing the boulders down slowly and carefully before letting herself roll forwards out of her handstand.  Her head was pounding.

“You fuck!  You distracted me…”  She growled, lying back and letting the stone ground warm her back.  The sun was beating down on them, but Rey was used to it from her years on Jakku.  Kylo, however, was taking longer to adjust from the harsh winter climate of the Starkiller base.

Kylo chuckled.  “I was just teasing…”  
“Yeah, no teasing while I’m holding stuff.”  She groaned, using the Force to snatch the berry from his hands before popping it into her mouth.  Kylo smiled as she pulled herself up and walked over.  He patted the ground next to him, signalling for her to sit down with him.  She sighed and nodded as he leaned back against the rocks behind him, pushing his shoulders back and cracking his neck.  Her head rested on his shoulder as she carefully outlined the scars littered all over his chest.

“Where did that one come from?”  She asked, running her finger across a particularly red and angry cut running from his hip to the bottom of his ribcage.  He bit on his cheek as he tried to remember.  “I think…that was last year, a few months before I met you.”  She pulled her knees up to her chest as her finger ran back and forth over the scar.  He was staring at it, trying to find a link between it and a repressed memory.  “Yes, when I was back on the Starkiller base.  We were looking for someone…a prisoner.  He’d escaped through an air vent, and we went out into the forest to look.  He was good at throwing knives, and I got too close to him.”  
“Did you kill him?”  His memories were like fairy stories to her.  Those that ended with his enemies dead were the ones she liked the most.

“I didn’t, but the Stormtroopers did.  We were going to take him back into the base, but he killed one of them, so they attacked him.”  She nodded and let a silence grow between them.  It wasn’t awkward, but it was so painfully uncertain and he wanted to _shatter_ it; the silence made her seem so far from him but he had nothing to say, so he sighed quietly and leaned back against the rocks, listening to the birdsong like they had back on Takodana.

Her head moved back slightly as she stared up at him, her eyes running over his lips as he turned to face her.  She sucked in an unsteady breath as he leaned forwards before she moved upwards and caught his lips on hers, carefully and cautiously running the tip of her tongue along his lower lip.   His hand moved to the base of her neck and he lifted one finger away, commanding the Force to carefully undo the complex hairstyle until her hair fell down to her shoulders.

She raised her hands to weave around his neck, pulling gently at his curly black hair and earning the smallest groan from his lips.  His lips and his tongue played with hers, a forbidden dance between her and him.  She kept stealing glances at his torso, his scars and his wounds infinitely fascinating to her.  He hadn’t worn a shirt in a while.  The sun always cooked him when he wore his black tunic and cape, and frankly he didn’t like wearing white.

His hand slipped from her neck to her lower back as he pulled her forwards, bringing a leg over so she was straddling him.  His hands stayed on her lower back as he trailed gentle kisses along her jawline and down her neck, sucking a tiny bruise on her collarbone.  She gasped and brought his head back up to hers, pressing her forehead to his as she took a second to catch her breath.

“Kylo…”  She breathed.  Her tongue was completely tied, and she was almost surprised she could still form words.  
“Are we back to calling me that?”  
“I don’t even know…right now, it fits.”  She mumbled.  She kept switching back and forth between his names, unsure which of his actions tied to Ben’s peace and gentleness and which tied to Kylo’s fire and roughness.

He wasn’t entirely sure what he wanted to be called.  Her constant switching between the two kept a kind of balance, a happy medium between light and dark that she was beginning to fall in love with.

She smiled as her head slipped from his forehead down to his shoulder.  Despite being away from the forests of the Starkiller base for nearly a whole year now, he still had that woodsy smell she loved so much.  Perhaps it was the forests surrounding their new home on the planet of Naboo.

“We should get out of the sun, it’s nearly midday.”  He mumbled, tucking a strand of hair behind her ear and kissing her temple.  
“You overheating?”  She grinned, forcing herself to her feet and pulling him up.  
“It’s hot, okay?”  He groaned as she rolled her eyes.

Summers on Naboo were always hot, nearly matching the climate of Jakku on some days, but they had both grown to love it.  Their home was on the top of a hill, surrounded by forests so thick people had forgotten there was even a house there at all.  That could only be good for them, though.  Had the people of Naboo discovered there were 2 dark knights training on their peaceful planet, they’d have been exiled within a day.  Of course, the only reason they were allowed to stay was because Kylo had completed his training from Snoke, and had been given leave to train Rey.  Snoke still demanded regular updates on her progress, but the journey wasn’t ridiculously far.  Maybe a few days of travelling at most.

Kylo had been told stories of his grandmother’s leadership of Naboo when he was a child, and the Jedi that freed them from the attack of the Trade Federation.  He’d been told of Anakin’s incredible -yet accidental – victory against them, although he was nothing more than a child.  It just felt right to live and train on the planet his grandparents had freed and ruled.

Rey just loved the beauty of it.  Long, flowing waterfalls that fed into clear seas dotted with tiny islands, the tall, majestic trees, magnificent archways and pillars that decorated every house in every town and city; the polar opposite of the sandy wasteland that was Jakku.  Their home was about the same size as the marketplace she used to sell scraps of metal in – far too big for her to navigate.  She wished she could say she had never been lost in that house, but the reality was that in the year they’d spent there, she’d found herself in bathrooms where she thought bedrooms were and exits instead of balconies well over twenty times. 

*

As they hopped over burning cobblestones that connected their home to their training grounds, she heard him curse.  “I left my lightsaber…”  
“We’ll be out later.  In the evening; we can practice fighting.”  She grinned.  That was her favourite part of the training.  Twice now, she had beaten him in combat, and only accidentally injured him once.

They returned to the house, and Rey glanced up at the time.  
“I’m going to take a bath.”  
“I may join you.”  He teased, playing with a curl of her hair.  She scowled.  
“No.  _My_ bath.”  She warned, hitting him playfully.  He held his hands up in defence, grinning and walking over to the door to the balcony.  
“Alright, I’ll meditate.   Come see me when you’re done.”  He muttered as she walked towards him, gently pressing his lips to her forehead before she disappeared.

*

He sank to his knees and bowed his head, listening intently to the birdcalls and the sounds of the waterfalls around him.  _She has learned very quickly…I think I can complete her training within the next six months._ He smiled.  _Snoke will be no match for her when she is ready.  My pretty little scavenger and I will destroy him, and we can return to the Resistance and create peace in the galaxy._   The vision was both calming and exciting to him, and he forced the thoughts from his head.  He emptied his mind of everything and slipped into a deep meditation.

-

The warm water reached her neck as she lay back, her eyes closed and her breaths even and controlled.  _He is a good teacher.  I am stronger than I was before, I can climb higher and move faster and control my thoughts and feelings, and I am practiced in the Force.  And it’s all because of him._ She felt her stomach twist.  _Ben…Kylo.  They’re so different but I love them both.  I don’t want him to change.  He’s a perfect medium between peace and hate, passion and relaxation.  I don’t want him to lose that fire.  What if his anger and his hate dies with Snoke?_

Her eyes squeezed shut, her blood beginning to boil.  _Snoke…I won’t ever call him my master.  He is a sorry wreck of a creature, a monster consumed by his hate.  He kills without a flicker of emotion, he inflicts the harshest pains on people he’s supposed to teach, to guide.  He’s an emperor of evil.  I’ll be glad to see his death by our hands.  I’ll make him pay for hurting Ben.  I’ll make him suffer the way he did._ And then her eyes opened, and she moved, letting the water ripple around her.

_How can we kill him?  Does he fight with a lightsaber, or does he rely on the Force?  He’s no taller than I am, far shorter than Ben.  But then Yoda was short, and nobody could kill him._

She pushed the thoughts from her mind.  Doubt wasn’t going to help her.  She closed her eyes again and turned her attention to Ben.  She knew how to use the Force properly when looking into his mind now, however she very rarely did it.  She didn’t have to anymore – she could just ask him.  But she couldn’t resist watching him meditate.  There was something about the perfect level of calm in his mind that made her smile.

_Trees._

She slipped into his mind with ease, watching an image build inside her head.

_Inside a forest, surrounded by trees.  They reach up so high no matter how far you lean back you’ll never see the top of them.  The ground is dirt, soil, and there’s a snake wrapping itself around a branch.  There are birds singing, colourful wings flapping as they soar up to infinite heights.  And there’s a deer, a beautiful creature that stands and stares at a man with long, curly black hair, who is lying against a tree.  Beside him is a girl, whose head rests on his shoulders and plays with his hair.  She wears that sand-coloured outfit she fashioned out of bits of cloth on Jakku, while he wears his black tunic and cape.  His helmet is nowhere to be seen._

She pulled herself out of his mind.  She wasn’t expecting to see herself in his meditation; normally they were places of solitude.  She smiled. _He loves me._

*

About an hour later, she found him on the balcony.  The sun was beginning to set, the air cool but not cold.  He was looking out at the waterfall, but he sensed her presence and turned to face her almost immediately.

“Hey.”  His voice was soft and gentle, his eyes following her as she walked over.  She smiled as he leaned down to kiss her.  
“Good meditation?”  
“Yes.  Good bath?”  
“Of course.  I didn’t realise I was in your meditations.”  She grinned, watching him roll his eyes.  
“I should have known you were watching…I assume that was _after_ you finished thinking about killing Snoke?”  
“Son of a bitch!”  She groaned.  _Of course he was inside my head.  Stupid girl._

He grinned.  “Do you want to train?” He nodded towards the training grounds, watching her eyes gleam.  
“Of course.”

*

“Alright, you ready?”  
“Yeah!”  She held up the beam of bright blue in defence as he engaged his 3 brilliant beams of red, sparking and cracking and bathing everything around him in a dim red glow.

She jumped forwards and brought her lightsaber down towards his shoulder, which he swiftly deflected and pushed away.  She waited less than a nanosecond before shooting up and landing behind him, swiping at his back and only just catching the tip of his lightsaber as he spun to face her and jabbed at her chest, which she easily dodged.  He growled as he lunged forwards, nearly burning her neck as she _just_ brought up her lightsaber in time to deflect it, clashing the beams of red and blue together, sparks flying off as his face drew ever closer to hers.

 _Fuck…don’t lose focus, Rey…_ she told herself, her eyes locking with his.  He grinned, his lightsaber pushing down on hers but never breaking the tension that was building between both the sabers and their owners.  Sparks were hissing as they made contact with her bare arm, and although it didn’t cause much pain, she panicked at how close they were to her body.  In a moment of pure adrenaline, she dropped to the floor, leaving Kylo to stagger forwards as she scampered away.  It didn’t take him long to recover, and his hand caught her by the hip as she pounced forwards, taking them both down to the ground.  Rey landed on her back, nearly winded by the impact.  “Fuck…”

Kylo was on top of her, his face just centimetres from hers.  She felt his breath against her neck, his heart pounding in her head.  Her eyes fell from his victorious glare down to his lips as his hands went to hers, freeing the lightsaber and turning it off before throwing it behind him.  Her free hand went to his neck, pulling him down to her and catching his lips.

His left hand swept under her back so she arched towards his chest while the other intertwined with hers as his lips moved urgently, carelessly with her.  She could hear her own heartbeat has his tongue fought with hers as his hands roamed her back and her shoulders, caressing her neck as her hand fisted in his hair.  “Kylo…”  She gasped as his hands slid over her hips and downwards.  He grinned into the kiss as her hand ran over his chest.  
“I won, then.”  He mumbled as she freed her hand from his hair.

 _Oh, hell no…_ she thought, glancing over at the glinting metal not 4 metres from where she was.

She reached out her fingers and Force-pulled the lightsaber over to her, engaging it just above his neck.  She giggled as his mouth fell open.

“No, _I_ won.”  She grinned before reaching up and kissing his forehead.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> man i love naboo so much, i had to have it in the story ^.^


	9. Intrusion

“You’re afraid, child.”  
His dark, booming voice circled her like an icy wind.  She felt her knees weaken as she bit down on the inside of her cheek, squeezing her eyes shut and tensing every muscle in her body.  She felt his hand extend into her brain, long pointed fingers poking at her memories and her thoughts.

“Are you hiding something from me?”  
“No, my lord…”  She barely whispered, tears welling in the corners of her eyes.  He was dragging his claws carelessly through sensitive recollections of her family, her friends, the ship that took them from her and the loneliness that followed.  The pain was like nothing she’d ever felt before; Kylo never dared to look past her current thoughts in case he hurt her.   But Snoke did not seem to care how much he hurt his padawans; in fact, he seemed to derive great pleasure from watching them suffer at his hand.

She let out a choked cry as he sliced into her recent memory of training with Kylo.  _Fuck, fuck, FUCK!_ She could feel her pulse hammering in her temples.  His face twisted as he watched the memory unfold.  _FUCK!  
_ “You lost against him _again_ …do you still believe that you are improving in combat?”

The question surprised her.  _Did he see the rest of it?  Did he see what happened afterwards?  No, he mustn’t have…did I keep him out?  Did I manage to hide it?_   She let out a shaky breath.  _If he’d seen how the training ended, he’d probably have killed me by now.  I must have hidden it from him_.

“Yes…I can…I can win, I’m just…still working…on…it…”

She was reduced to spluttering out just one word for every breath she took.  She could feel him digging deeper, scratching and stabbing into memories and her head was _screaming_ out as he reached right into the back of her mind.

Her vision was blurring from the pain as he retrieved something hidden so deep she nearly screamed as he pulled from her head.  
“You’ve done a good job in hiding this, girl.  I’ll bet you thought I’d given up searching for it, hm?  No…just because Kylo Ren no longer needs it doesn’t mean _I_ don’t…”

Her mouth filled with the putrid taste of coppery blood, running from her nose into her mouth and spilling down to her chin.  _Oh good god I’m bleeding…_ she felt her heartbeats quicken.  She raised a hand to stop it, but he pinned it to her side, all the while sitting back in his marble throne and watching the blue dots of planets drift around before him.

_Shit, the map!_

“There are memories in your head…that I cannot see.  Why is that, child?  What do you keep from me?”  His voice was suspiciously calm as he leaned forwards, his mouth curling up into a grin as he tilted her head back.  He barely ever reached far enough to make someone bleed like this, but that wasn’t to say he hadn’t done it before.

She panicked as she felt her blood run down the roof of her mouth, hitting the back of her throat and making her gag.  “I don’t…I’m not hi-hiding anything…”  She spluttered.  _Is he choking me…with my own blood?_ The thought was repulsive, and she strained to force her head forwards again.

His hand fell, and he let her tumble to the ground, her knees scraping against the uneven stone.  Her nose hadn’t stopped bleeding.  _How is it even possible to make someone’s nose bleed by looking into their thoughts?  He looks so fucking proud…how dare he?_

“I have a new assignment for you.”  
She struggled to her feet, pulling her sleeve over her hand and holding it to her nose.  Her mouth was filled with the rancid taste.  “Yes…my m-”    
She stopped herself before she said it, hoping he didn’t notice.  Her hatred of him was so _strong_ …she wanted him dead, either by her hand or Kylo’s.  _Sick bastard…what kind of fucked up mind thinks it’s acceptable to choke someone with their own blood?_

“I sense your faith in the dark side is…slipping.  Your anger is not at the world, nor yourself. Your hatred is directed towards _me_ , I can see it.  And I cannot allow that to continue.”

Her heart stopped dead in her chest.

“You will prove your commitment to the dark side of the Force.  Yes, but I will give you the choice.”

 _Choice?  Oh, shit…_ Rey felt her hands shaking.  Decisions had never been her strong point, especially without Kylo.  No, she was alone in the room with _that_ …how could she know what to do?  _Oh my god, where is Kylo when I need him?_ She wasn’t sure if she trusted herself enough.

“You will follow the map you have so _generously_ provided, and you will end the Jedi Order yourself.”

Rey stood bolt upright.  _Oh…no, no, no…I can’t do that!  Luke Skywalker is a Jedi master, and the Resistance needs to find him first…even if I did manage to find him, how could I defeat him?  I am not yet fully trained, and he is a master…_ her mind was going into overdrive.  Snoke sneered down at her, seeing the look of panic on her face.

“Or, you will destroy what is bringing you to the light.”  
“What?”  
Snoke’s eyes narrowed.  “You think I haven’t noticed?  He’s _changing_ …he thinks Ben Solo lives, inside him…”  He spits out the name as if it were poisonous.  “…and he believes that you can help him return to the light.  Search your feelings, girl, you know it to be true.  I have sensed… _rebellion_ from him.  Snuff it out.  Destroy him, and I will complete your training.”

Her stomach churned.  She was going to be sick.

*

Ben was waiting for her outside the room.  His hands twitched nervously as he heard the short, light footsteps that he knew so well to be hers.  “Rey?”  
“We need to leave.”  She snapped, rushing past him towards where their ship was.  She didn’t want him to see her face, how close she was to tears and the sleeve she couldn’t move from her nose in case it started bleeding any heavier.

-

His heart stopped.  She was nearly running to the ship, either urgently trying to get away from Snoke or from him or from both.  He hurried after her, long legs catching up to her easily.

“Rey, what happened?  Are you alright?”  
“I’m fine.”  It came out muffled, either by the wind or by whatever she was holding to her face.  He couldn’t see what it was; every time he leaned forwards to see, she turned her head away.

It wasn’t long before they reached the ship, and Rey immediately ran to the bathroom, not quite closing the door quickly enough.  He turned and followed her, pushing it open with ease and laying his eyes upon her slumped and breathless form.

She was leaning over the sink, running cold water over her once-white but now dark crimson sleeve and choking back sobs as he approached her.  “Holy shit…Rey, what did he _do_?”  
“It’s fine…it was just…he was looking in my mind and…he looked too far…and…”  Her voice was beginning to deteriorate and she started swaying uneasily as she reached for a tissue to clean up her bloodstained face.

“Okay, I’m going to start the ship, and we’ll get off this _rock_ and then we can talk, but I won’t go into hyperspace until it’s stopped bleeding, okay?” His voice was calm and concerned, the polar opposite of Rey’s heaving and panicked form.  She nodded as he pulled her head slightly closer to his and pressed a careful kiss to the top of her head.  “I’ll be back in a minute.”

-

She caught a glimpse of herself in the mirror.

Tears streamed from both eyes uncontrollably, picking up dirt and blood on the way down her face.  Sprawling patterns of dried blood were forming around her face, neck and hands, and she had to look away.  What a mess she had become in the past half an hour.

The hammering in her head was finally beginning to subside as Ben reappeared at her side.  “Rey…are you okay?”  His hand wound around her waist, pulling her closer before her head naturally found its way to his chest.  She couldn’t bring herself to tell him what had happened; the words got stuck in the back of her throat.

“Ben…I d-don’t think…I don’t think we can kill him…”  
“What?”

Her eyes closed.  _Come on, Rey.  He needs to know._

“Kylo, he knows.  He knows you’re plotting against him, he said he sensed your rebellion...”

His face drained of colour and his mouth fell open.  “Wh…what?”  
“He said he was unsure about me, he said he felt my commitment to the dark side fading…he gave me something to do for him, I…I…I don’t think I can do it…”

The thought lingered in the back of her mind.  It wasn’t a choice.  She couldn’t kill Ben; her teacher, her lover and her only friend.  But the idea of tracking down a Jedi master, the one who taught Ben, the brother of General Organa, was impossible.  And she knew Snoke was watching her; she could feel his icy presence surrounding her.

“Kylo…he wants me to kill Luke Skywalker.  He found the map in my head; he was digging and it went too far and then I started bleeding.  He told me to kill him, but I don’t think I can…”  Her voice was raspy, her head spinning.

He only just caught her as she began to fall.  “Woah, Rey…”  He groaned, pulling her up into his arms bridal-style.

“Ben…what have we done?”  
“I don’t know…oh god, Rey, you have to do it.  There’s no other choice here...”  His voice was firm, but his hands were shaking as he carried her to her bunk.  _Choice…no, no, no, I can’t kill him!_ Her mind was screaming out, loud enough for Ben to hear.

“…is there?”  
“Oh god…Ben, he wants me to kill you!  He told me, either you or Luke, and I can’t kill you, I can’t do it!”

Her voice echoed around the empty ship, bouncing off walls and haunting them like a ghost.  His mouth opened, trying to talk but words defying him.

A silence grew between them for a few minutes as Ben tried to think.  
“Shit.  We don’t have a choice now.”  
“What?”  
“Rey, you have to find Luke.  I have something else to do.”  
“What?  No, no, I need you to stay!”  
It was nearly a scream from her lips, desperate and pained.

“I know, Rey…but this is our last hope.  You have a job to do, and Snoke will watch you carry it out.  I will come and find you there when I’m done.”  
“Ben…”  
“Please trust me on this, Rey.  Find Luke, and do what you have to do.  I’ll find you there, and we can fix this mess.”

He stood up from where he was crouched by Rey’s bunk.  “Can you show me the map?”  He asked softly, running a hand over her forehead and brushing her hair out of her face.

“Yes…”  She mumbled, pushing the memory to the top of her head.  She knew she wouldn’t be able to withstand another mind invasion as intrusive as the first.

His mind opened to hers, his eyes closing as he carefully picked the memory out and put it with his own.

“Okay…please sleep now, Rey.  I’m going to set the course to Master Luke.”

She nodded and let her head hit the pillow again.  “I love you…”  
“I love you too.”  He whispered, smiling softly before disappearing off to the cockpit.

But, when she woke up not 3 hours later, he was gone.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> yo yo yo  
> i'm probably going to be updating this work once every two or three days; I have way too much to do right now to be updating every day!  
> thank you guys for all the support you're giving this, it means the world to me <3


	10. Solitude

The ship seemed to drift through space aimlessly for days, passing planets of every colour and stars of every size.  The sight should have been beautiful.  It should have been something to watch with _him_.  But it had been days, and he had not returned to the ship.  His ghostly presence still lingered in her bunk, in the cockpit, in the living area where they used to play Sabacc and fall asleep together.  It was like an icy wind, circling and haunting her no matter where she went in the ship.

She hated herself for letting him go.  Never before had she felt so crushingly lonely – not even on Jakku did she feel this kind of pain.  No, on Jakku, she didn’t have anyone to miss.  Her parents had been gone for far too long for her to miss them like she missed Ben.  And she couldn’t remember them – she could remember every single one of Ben’s scars by heart, and the stories behind them.  The tiny scratches of scars from when he first made his lightsaber and it shocked him, the dark lines on his back from a messy TIE fighter landing, even the angry red circle of the lightsaber burn from when she made him so angry he wrecked his room and injured himself in the process – she remembered some of them like her own memories.

She slumped down in the pilot’s seat of the cockpit, running her hand messily over the controls.  He’d set the course for a distant planet on the Outer Rim, one she’d never even heard of.  It would take another day to arrive since Hyperspace was out of the question - she was still recovering from the sickness that Snoke had brought on with his attack.  Hyperspace was becoming a less appealing option when the speed of it brought on a migraine, that is if she hadn't already passed out.

Sometimes, when she regained consciousness, she found herself groping blindly at the ground beside her, searching for a hand that wasn't there.  His name passed her lips without her even noticing until the empty silence brought her back to her senses.  “He’s gone…”  She kept reminding herself.  “But he’ll come back.”

She let her head roll back against the headrest.  “Just a few more days, Rey.  You can do it.  You’ve been alone before.”  But it wasn't enough; her thoughts couldn't stop moving to him.  She wished she could see into his mind, even from here in the middle of space, but she knew it was a skill she didn't have.  She hadn't learned it from him yet.  She wished she’d taken her training more seriously – she was going to have to use it against a Jedi master soon, and maybe if she’d spent less time on lightsaber combat, she’d be able to see into Ben’s mind like he could into hers.

 _Holy shit…can he see what I’m thinking?  Right now, from wherever in the galaxy he is?  Can he see how lonely I am without him?_ She forced the thoughts from her e. Sht there. She found his ue, , loor beside her, sea occasional ess appearlinghead.  No, she couldn’t let herself think about it, how much it must've been _hurting_ him to see her like that.  She raised her defences.  Snoke was watching her, she knew it.  He was probably following her, too.  But he wouldn’t be able to look into her mind for any long period of time – no Jedi or Sith could summon that much energy for longer than a few minutes.  And she was making the mental effort to keep him out, a tactic that had worked before when he enquired about her training sessions with Ben.  No, she was free to think here.

She needed a plan.  How was she going to take down a Jedi master while she herself was untrained?  Not to mention the plan she’d originally made with Ben: train in the dark side until they were powerful enough to kill Snoke, then return to the Resistance and train as Jedi.  How would they train if the last remaining Jedi was dead?  Unless…she didn't kill him.  She could arrive and explain herself, ask for his help.  That is, if Snoke hadn't killed her on the spot for defying him first.  Surely the three of them could take on Snoke…the thought was surprisingly appealing to her.  It could work.

Her heart sank to her stomach.  She couldn't possibly do that without Ben knowing.  Whatever he was doing, and wherever he had gone, he was relying on Rey killing Luke.   He would have told her if he was planning on doing something else…wouldn't he?

She forced herself out of her chair and paced around the ship, opening her mind and reaching out to Ben.

 _Are you there?  Can you hear me?_ Her thoughts cried out into an empty space between them.  She couldn't risk calling his name; if Snoke heard her call him Ben, a name long dead to him, he’d know about Ben’s plans to rebel against him.

She earned only silence.  _Kylo, can you hear me?  Please respond, I need your help._ She felt his presence around her.  He was nearby, although she wasn't entirely sure where.

_Do what you think is right, Rey.  I trust you.  You’ll make the right choice._

His voice.  A lump rose in her throat as she quickly forced everything from her mind and closed the bond between them.  His _voice…_ she missed him so much.  She could see his head quirking to the side as he said it, she could feel his heart beating and his chest rising and falling with hers.  She loved him.  She loved him so much.

She slumped against a wall and fell to the ground.  Her head was spinning.

 _Make the right choice…I will make the right choice…for you, Ben, I will make the right choice.  I won’t kill Master Luke.  I will make him help us.  We will kill Snoke, all three of us.  We will do it.  And then we will be free, Ben._ Her thoughts swirled around her head, never reaching him or Snoke but she _knew_ that Ben could feel it.  She knew Ben had faith in her.

She forced herself up and stumbled into her bunk, thankfully not too far from where she was.  Her head was spinning so fast, and she was so tired.  She let herself relax.

_Tomorrow, I will find Luke.  Tomorrow.  And we can end this mess._

Her eyelids were heavy, and she let them close.  And then, just seconds before she fell asleep, she heard his voice again.

_Sleep well, Rey.  I’ll see you soon.  Everything will be fine, I promise.  I promise._

 


	11. Rebellion

It was more like a political speech than a brainstorming session, if he was honest.  He was telling them things he knew he shouldn't be, for her sake, but it was working.  They were becoming angry, their minds beginning to think like his.  The unfairness of their lives, the meaninglessness of all of it…he was offering them a chance of _living_.

A row of black helmets sat on the floor, dented and scratched from years of tough work and fighting.  It was all they knew to do – fight and kill to please _him_ , that wretched warlord of an alien Snoke.

And they were _listening_.  They listened and they nodded and the grimaced at the mention of his name, and they were prepared to help him.  He told them about Rey, about how he planned to train her and his accidental descent into love, and…they didn't attack him.  They should have – they should have heard the word ‘love’ and automatically beaten him for giving in to the light, to _her_ light.  But they didn't.  They sat and they listened as he told them of his interrogation leading to her discovery of her force-sensitivity, and how she bested him so many times and so he trained her, and slowly he was drifting back to the light. 

He wondered why it was that they didn't immediately kill him for his weakness.  He was unsure as to whether or not to ask – they may have been so wrapped up in their hatred of that _thing_ that they had simply forgotten.  Or perhaps it was sympathy – perhaps they also felt that pull, that urge to return to a place where there was no pain and suffering, where they could be _free._

The Knights of Ren were agreeing with him.  They had faith in him.  Kylo’s position of First Knight of Ren had earned their hatred and envy, but also their respect.  They weren't happy; happiness wasn't part of their lives.  But they were prepared to change.

Whenever he mentioned Rey’s name, their eyes softened.  In the few hours they’d known of her existence, they had become sympathetic and caring.  They listened intently as he described her life on Jakku, collecting metal scraps every day until BB-8 showed up and everything changed.

And then he told them what Snoke had done to her.    
It seemed alright, fair, even deserving when he attacked _them_ , when they failed him and he punished them in the cruellest ways.  But Rey _wasn't_ one of them _,_ and she hadn't done anything wrong.  But when he told them of the choice she’d made her make, how he'd clawed so far into her thoughts he made her _bleed_ , and how he then choked her with it…they became enraged.  A poor desert scavenger, thrown into a world she didn't belong in and accidentally falling in love with the most dangerous man in the Order - beside Snoke - then being subjected to the torture they only rarely endured when they dared to fail him.

The group fell into a silence until one voice piped up.  
“Where is she?”

And his eyes fell closed and his head hung forwards.  “She…is on her way to meet with Luke Skywalker.  She promised Snoke that she’d kill him, but she won’t.  She’s going to find with him and ask for his help.  All of us combined, surely, can take that _bastard_ down.”  It came out as a pained sigh, and he felt a stab of regret in leaving her.  He could only pray that she wasn’t suffering side effects after Snoke’s attack.  He would hate for her to be in pain, especially without him there.

“So, after Snoke is killed…what then?  What will become of the First Order?”  
“Those that are willing can unite with the Resistance.  Those that oppose them…can be sent back to their families.  We should have that information on file somewhere.”

“And what about us?”  
“We…”  Ben sighed.  He wasn’t sure yet what would become of the Knights of Ren after Snoke’s demise.  “…I don’t want to be the new Snoke.  I don’t want us to go back to that.  I personally will be returning to my family in the Resistance.”

That was it.  He heard the words rolling off the tip of his tongue, and a sour taste filled his mouth.  _Family_.  He had called the Resistance, General Organa and Han Solo, his family.  He had openly admitted to his cult that he, First Knight of Ren, was a traitor to their Order.  He prepared himself for their spitting words and brutal attacks, closing his eyes and breathing deeply. 

But…nothing came.  When he opened his eyes again, he saw they were all deep in thought. 

“Kylo?  Or…are you Ben?”

He sighed.  It was one thing to say it to Rey, but it was another to say it himself.  Nevertheless, he knew what his answer was.  “Ben.  What is it?”  
The knight looked slightly taken aback, but continued.  “…when do we do this?”

He thought of Rey.  She would need time to talk to Skywalker, but if anything went wrong, he had to be there.  She wasn’t fully trained yet – she could get hurt.

“Tomorrow.  We leave tonight.”

-

She was hunched up by the controls, one of the blankets draped over her shoulders as she directed the ship past stray asteroids from a nearby asteroid field.  _Space is fucking freezing.  Why the hell didn’t I pack any clothes?_   She thought, her lips pursed together as she manoeuvred around a passing rock.  _Oh yeah, I didn’t realise Snoke was going to fuck me about like that.  I probably should have seen it coming._

Her head started spinning when she looked up from the panel of buttons and levers before her.  _Oh, fuck…Rey, don’t you dare pass out now._   She grit her teeth and steered past a meteorite flying towards them.  She felt her eyes pulsing in her skull, and she the bright lights of the stars around her slowly started to dim.  Black spots clouded her vision and she cursed loudly before setting her course for a nearby planet.  She couldn’t risk flying like this.

*

Thankfully, the planet was mostly plain grasslands, and she could messily land the shuttle without arousing suspicion.  Her heart was thumping in her chest, and suddenly she felt like she was floating.  _Shit…shit, shit, shit…_

She forced herself out of her chair and stumbled over to the door controls, waving her hand near them and sending the ship into lockdown.  She felt her breaths slow down.  She was safe in here – nobody could get into the ship now.  She felt his name leave her lips before the ground flew up and hit her, knocking her down into a pitch black unconsciousness.

-

Ben kneeled down to join his brothers in a deep meditation, but there was a horrible coldness in his thoughts.  Every time he thought of her, his stomach flipped, and not in a romantic kind of way.  Something was wrong…she was so cold.

But he couldn’t help her now.  He had to meditate, otherwise his control of the Force would weaken when he needed it most.  He shut his eyes and tried to push everything from his mind, but _she_ wouldn’t leave.  Her presence lingered a while longer, her face flashing before his eyelids and shocking him out of the lightest meditation he’d ever found himself in.  He could hear her voice, clear as chiming bells and soft as silk, lacing through his mind. She was such a _fucking_ distraction, but he wasn’t complaining.  He missed her so much.

Finally, he cleared his mind and let himself sink down into his place of calmness, where he stayed for almost 2 hours.  And then he heard her voice again.

He sat upright and cracked his neck, catching the attention of the Knights of Ren.  “It’s time.”  He said coldly, hurrying to find his helmet and letting blood flow back through his hands and feet.

The other knights quickly found their weapons and helmets and followed Ben to the door of their meeting room, where he had inexplicably halted.

They gathered around him, straining to see past his ridiculously tall frame what had stopped him.  And their hearts collectively paused when the piercing blue eyes of General Hux moved into view.

-

She woke up on the floor of the cockpit with the worst headache she’d ever felt.  _Fucking hell…it’s been days since Snoke.  It must be wearing off soon.  I don’t have time to be fainting every day.  Come on, get up.  I’ve got shit to do._

She scrabbled to her feet and flicked the switch that allowed the blaster doors to open.  There were no signs of intrusion inside the ship, so she took off into space again.  She would be there soon.

-

“Traitors.  All of you, you’re fucking traitors.”  Hux growled, pressing his pistol to Ben’s chest.  “Even you, _Ben_.”  He spat, as if the name was burning the tip of his tongue.  “I knew you were bad for the Order, but not _this_ bad.”  He was clearly revelling in the power he now held over him.  It made Ben sick to his stomach.  Power was all that mattered to Hux.  It always had been and always would be.

“You thought I wouldn’t notice?  The…the sudden congregation of knights that _mysteriously_ appeared without Snoke’s orders?  I am faithful to my Order.  I’ve been expecting this for a long while…in fact, so has Snoke.”

Ben felt the end of the gun digging into his chest, and he took a step back, but Hux simply stepped forwards with him.  “You’ll be glad to know that Snoke was not at all surprised when I told him of your little plan.”

 

Ben froze.  “You told him.  I should have expected as much.”  He growled.  Hux returned only a proud grin.  
“You should have indeed.  Because of your incompetence, _she_ will suffer.”

Ben felt that fire building in his chest as his eyes widened and every hair on his body stood up.  Through his gritted teeth, he spat back at Hux.  “What?”

He grinned, his eyes narrowing.  “Your little _girlfriend_ , Rey.  Snoke was following her to ensure she killed Skywalker, but she encountered…difficulties, shall we say?  He’s waiting for her on Ahch-To.  Kylo Ren, she’ll be already dead.”

And suddenly, without his consent or warning, the fiery red beams of his lightsaber were in the air.  Hux was armed only with a pistol – he didn’t stand a chance.

The lightsaber sliced across his torso, tearing through his pistol-holding arm in the process.  As the gun, accompanied by his hand, hit the floor, his eyes flashed with fear.  
But, before Ben could deliver the killing blow, he was torn away from Hux.

“Get off!”  He cried, and looked up to see the helmet of one of the Knights of Ren.  His lightsaber was thrown away from him.  
“Ben, stop.  Save your energy, harbour your hatred.  You have a more important battle to prepare for.”

Ben felt his heart in his ears as he looked back at Hux, who was being physically torn apart by the rest of the knights.  “They will handle this.  Take a moment to calm yourself.  Rey will be fine, he probably passed her out again.”  
“We have to leave.  Now.”

The Knights of Ren took a step back from the mess on the floor and filed out onto the shuttle waiting for them.  
Ben sighed and hurriedly picked up his lightsaber before striding down the corridor into the docking bay.  He reached out for her through the force, but her presence was dim.

_Prepare yourself, Rey.  Snoke is waiting for you.  You’re perfectly capable of defeating him alone, but we’re coming to you anyway.  You can do this, Rey.  I love you._

He sat down as one of the knights started the ship’s engines and they took off.  He didn’t get a response from her.  His heart pounded in his ears as he sent out another message.

_I love you so much.  Please stay safe.  We'll be there soon._


	12. Redemption

She was an interesting creature.

Her fierce commitment to the Resistance made her powerful – he was almost disappointed that she could never show the First Order that same level of faith.  Even if she wanted to return to the dark side, he would not show her the mercy of sparing her life.  Nothing she could do now would save her. 

The fight was unfair to say the least – most powerful force of evil in the _galaxy_ against a not-quite-Jedi but not-quite-Sith padawan.  Padawan of Kylo Ren, nonetheless - the boy who was too weak to abandon the light, even after his Jedi youngling massacre and his years of training in the dark side of the Force.  He couldn’t even control _himself_ , let alone successfully teach a feisty and stubborn desert scavenger the most intricate details of the Force.  There was no way she could win this fight.

And yet, that would not stop her.  That’s what made her interesting – either she was immensely determined, or she was immensely stupid, and he was unsure as to which it was.  She would show up to this fight, armed with the lightsaber and probably that old and rusting staff she loved so much, and she would attempt to fight back.  He knew it.   And he knew she would fail, just like every rebellious Force-Sensitive rat who dared oppose him.  She would simply be another name on the seemingly never-ending list of victims of Supreme Leader Snoke.

And what a shame it would be to see her die.  She was a strong, feisty little morsel, and she would have been valuable asset to the dark side, had she not abandoned the calling and resorted to treason.  She could have replaced that whiny, childish _brat_ of an apprentice he called Kylo Ren.  The mental image of Rey’s death played repeatedly in his head.  Her tiny _scrap_ of a body, limp against his spidery long arms, her face slowly draining of colour and her final breaths escaping into the atmosphere.  The thought was so pleasing to him…his mouth curled into a twisted smile.   He wanted her dead, more than he wanted anything else in the universe.  And he wanted to be the one to deliver the final blow, the strike that sent her to her knees and into death’s cold embrace.  _He_ wanted to do that.

His eyes scanned the empty island he had landed on.  A speck of green against a wide landscape of varying depths of blue sea.  There was an old staircase fashioned out of worn down stones leading around a mound of rock and grass, upon which he found Skywalker.  The mound had been hollowed out inside to create a cavern, small enough to be homely but large enough to accommodate more than one person.  _Rey would have liked it here…_ Snoke thought, running his long, thin fingers across the hilt of his lightsaber.  _It’s a shame she’ll never get to see it._

His gaze moved to slumped figure in the corner of the room.  Luke Skywalker, the last remaining Jedi Master, breathing softly and yet slowly, _far_ too slowly to be healthy.  He was old and tired, and Snoke’s recent perfection of Force lightning hadn’t exactly helped.  Their fight was over in a matter of minutes.  But Snoke didn’t want to finish him yet – he knew there was no way he could help Rey in that state, and he didn’t present a threat to him.  Besides, he wanted Rey to _see_ it.  He wanted to watch her face as he crushed her only hope, wanted to see her fire slowly die out and her fear consume her. 

And he didn’t have to worry about the Knights of Ren anymore.  He knew of their plans to destroy him, to _overthrow_ him, and he had taken the necessary precautions to keep them away from Ahch-To while he fought Rey.  Hux had been given strict orders to wait for them to leave the meeting room and board their ship before detonating the bombs hidden inside the control panel and the motivator.  And Hux was an efficient general – so long as he didn’t choose to confront Kylo Ren _before_ they boarded the ship, all of them should be dead by now.

However, Snoke hadn’t felt their absences in the Force.  For the first time, he was beginning to worry.  What if Hux had let his own dreams of control take over?  What if Hux had chosen to confront the Knights of Ren and was now dead?  He’d always been envious of Kylo Ren’s power and authority…the idea of being in control of Ren would’ve been very appealing to him.

No.  Hux would’ve obeyed his orders.  The Knights of Ren were surely dead.

He pushed every thought from his brain as he heard a light patter rising towards him.  _Rey…_ he thought, gripping his lightsaber.  It was a much simpler design than Kylo Ren’s – a single beam of red that he could easily move without accidentally burning his wrist like Kylo had a tendency to do.  He almost never used it – upon reflection, it had been years since his last lightsaber duel. _No matter,_ he thought.  _Rey hasn’t even finished her lightsaber training.  This should be easy._

He glanced over at the top of the winding rock staircase to see a curl of hair emerging from behind a boulder.  She looked determined, fierce, almost intimidating.  Annoyingly, she didn’t seem even remotely surprised to see Snoke standing before her.

-

“Rey…”  He purred, long thin legs moving slowly in her direction.  Her stomach churned.  _What a disgusting creature._

“You’ve been expecting me, no doubt?”  She was bitter and cautious as she moved in the opposite direction from him so that they were slowly circling each other.  He grinned darkly in response.

“You don’t trust me to kill Skywalker?”  
“Why would I?  Do you think of me as a _fool_ , child?”

Rey was careful in selecting her next words.  
“ _Fool_ wasn’t what came to mind, no.”

His mouth curled into a snarl.  “You thought I wouldn’t notice your little _boyfriend_ and his congregation?  Hm?  You thought I’d overlooked the sudden and unexplained meeting of the Knights of Ren?  I know about your plot to kill me, child.  I will show you how… _unfortunate_ …the consequences will be.”

She thought back to Ben’s message.  _You’re perfectly capable of defeating him alone, but we’re coming to you anyway._ We…the Knights of Ren?  She quickly joined the pieces together.  The Knights of Ren were coming for her, they were going to help her.

“No, they aren’t.”  He hissed.  
“Get out of my head…”  She growled warningly in response, tightening her grip on her lightsaber.  He chuckled softly as her eyes narrowed so much she could barely see.

“The Knights of Ren are dead, my dear.”  _Bullshit_ , she thought.  _He can feel Ben’s presence as strongly as I can; he knows Ben’s alive and well._

“You remember General Hux?”  
“Slimy bastard.”  She wasn’t sure which of the two she was referring to.

“He killed them.  They’re dead, floating in the depths of space.  All of them…including Kylo.”  
“His name is Ben!”  She nearly cried, consoling herself quickly after she said it.  He raised an eyebrow at her.  
“You truly believe he has returned to the light?”  He laughed softly and menacingly as he leaned forwards, still circling her like a cat.  “Even after murdering those children?  Even after nearly killing you on your first night in the Starkiller?  No… _Ben_ is too far gone.  There is no redemption for him now.”  
“That’s not true.  If he’s so dark, why hasn’t he killed me yet?”  The discussion was quickly becoming a debate.  She was good at debating.  She’d had a lot of experience in bargaining for extra portions on Jakku.  She was almost calm.  _Just keep him talking, Rey.  Keep him talking until the others arrive._

“I just told you, child…he _tried_ to.”  
“He didn’t.  That was an accident.”  She didn’t feel as defensive as she thought she ought to.  She was merely batting away his ridiculous suggestions, which was making him angry.

“He slaughtered Jedi younglings before he came to me, girl.   He killed children out of sheer _anger_.  How can you explain that?”  
Her breath hitched.  She couldn’t think of a single thing that could justify what he’d done.  She was sinking into her deeper thoughts, trying to find something, _anything_ that could defend him.

The whoosh and hiss of lightsaber hitting flesh filled the air as she screamed out.  He grinned as she Force-pushed him away, his alien head very narrowly missing a sharp rock.  She would have been pleased that she’d managed to defend herself against him, but her hip was screeching out in agony.  _Of course, he waited until I was unprepared. Stupid girl, Rey.  You’re better than that._ Her hand gripped the metal hilt at her waist and activated a single beam of brilliant blue as the freakishly tall _thing_ that was Snoke slowly stood up again.

Considering his age, he moved alarmingly quickly.  Every slash of his lightsaber she only _just_ caught before it burned into her flesh, but she was managing.  Every so often, either of them sneaked in a Force attack, with him sending her back against a large boulder and her then hurtling said boulder at him as she regained her strength.  She was in a lot of pain whenever she moved – he’d only just caught the top of her left thigh when he burned her hip, which made walking agonisingly painful.

“Impressive, Rey.  But you can’t match me.  I will _destroy_ you.”  He growled.   It irritated her that he didn’t seem to be tiring at all – he seemed ridiculously calm.  But she could see blood on his arm where she’d only just nicked the shoulder with the end of her blade.  Definitely not enough to incapacitate him, but enough to build her confidence.

She dived forwards and hit his lightsaber once, twice, three times before she Force-threw a rock behind him at his back.  He winced, but he didn’t give up.  Almost easily, he kicked her ribcage and sent her tumbling back before slashing down at her chest.  The attack was easily blocked before she leapt to her feet and started attacking again.

Her breaths were long and uncomfortable, almost painful.  She was becoming tired – something she couldn’t risk happening.  He seemed as strong as ever, which made her angry.  She quickly repressed it, reminding herself that anger led to the dark side, the side she was fighting.  But while she forced those emotions from her head, he saw a chance and struck at her leg.

The ground flew up and hit her.  Hard.  She heard the hissing of his lightsaber, smelt the putrid burning flesh, and then the horrific crack her head made when it hit the ground.  Everything went quiet for a minute, and she tried to stand, but he was holding her down with the force.  Her heart was beating far too quickly, hammering in her head.  It was excruciating, and she was certain that it could _not_ get any worse.

She was wrong.

With a dark laugh, fizzing strikes of cyan blue hit her and sent fire through her veins.  All she could hear was a high pitched ringing, but as her hearing slowly sharpened, she realised that it was in fact a scream.  Her scream.  She was twitching uncontrollably, after a while becoming paralysed.  She’d only ever experienced electricity when she was scavenging too far from Niima Outpost and found something new, untouched by other scavengers.  She found out why when she jammed her hand into a sort of generator and gave herself a nasty shock.  But it was nothing like this.  She couldn’t move, she couldn’t make any noise at all.  All she could hear was the intense fizzing of lightning and his sadistic cackle.

-

Finally, she was down.  She twitched for several seconds after he stopped his attack, and the urge to kill her now was so _strong_.  He wanted so badly to make her watch Skywalker die, but this opportunity was so perfect, he couldn’t resist.  She was defenceless, paralysed by the shock of electricity.   He raised his lightsaber high above his head.

-

She saw it.  A beam of red, held up over his head, ready to drop and slice her in half at any time.  But he didn’t give her that kindness of ending it for her – he held it there for ages.  The tension could have killed her, she was certain.  Eventually, his arms snapped down, the lightsaber slashing through the air and…

Stopped.  A second beam, maybe two inches from her face, had caught it.  She sparks burned against her bare face, but she couldn’t move to stop it.  Her eyes tried to see past the two sabers burning against each other, but they were entirely blocking her vision.

But she could _sense_ him.  “Ben…”  
It was barely a whisper, but it was all she could manage.   And then they were gone, and she could only see black spots in place of red.

“Ben!”  She tried again, and although it was still weak, it was audible, even over the sound of lightsabers clashing and burning and sparking against each other.  Her head moved painfully to the side – her muscles were tightly wound after her electrocution.  Through black spots in her vision, she could see him.  His helmet was nowhere to be seen, his hair tousled from not wearing it for so long.  But there were others behind him.  And they weren’t carrying lightsabers, not all of them.  There were weapons of every kind.  And an array of different helmets. _The Knights of Ren._

And suddenly she was floating above the ground, and she nearly screamed – both in shock and pain.  But then she registered arms, and saw a face.  A tired, old, bearded face, beaten from years of hard work and solitude.  She opened her mouth slightly to speak, but everything was blurring, then going dark.  “It’s okay, Rey.  You’re safe.”

Those were the last words she heard before she slipped into a dark but painless unconsciousness.


	13. Ben Solo

It was so _loud_.

She couldn’t believe how noisy the place was.  Inside her head, beneath her consciousness, everything was quiet.  But as she slowly regained feeling in her body and started forming conscious thoughts, she felt the noise increase tenfold.

_Where the hell am I?_

Her eyes wouldn’t open, no matter how hard she tried to convince them to.  Loud droid beeps and whirs and people having short, annoying conversations…she was either dead, or she was in a cantina. She wasn’t sure what was worse.  She was considering just falling asleep again to shut them out, when a warm breeze ran over her body.

“Hey.”

And suddenly her surroundings completely reversed.  Loud conversations became quiet, humble meetings.  Droids screeching became careful, calculated bleeps.  She could identify voices, particularly the one that was speaking to her.  _Ben._

Her eyes opened and stared up at him.  She grinned as he entwined her fingers around his, but as her eyes ran over his face it disappeared, every ounce of humour and giddiness suddenly gone.

“Jesus…what happened to you?”   She barely whispered, her gaze swallowed by a long, angry red scar stretching from his jawline through his left eyebrow up to his forehead.   Was she seeing things?  No…someone had hurt him.  She’d kill them.   
“They’re already dead.”  He chuckled, his hand moving up to brush the hair from her face.  “Do you remember anything?”  
“Not really.”  She mumbled, the contact of his skin on hers sending electric sparks through her entire system.   He grinned proudly.

“We killed Snoke.  He’s dead.”  The words were dripping with glee and hope, something she’d never sensed on him before.  It was nice…it took a long time for the words to settle in.

_Holy fuck, Snoke’s dead?  Did I do that?  No…Ben must have…_

He laughed when her mouth dropped open.  “…are you sure?”  
“Yes.  We _made_ sure.  He’s never coming back, baby.   We’re safe now.”  
“Ben!  How…what even…how the _fuck_ did we manage that?”  She gasped, grinning and laughing and completely unable to contain her excitement.

“I don’t know!  But…now he’s dead!”  
“What happens to the First Order?”  
“The Stormtroopers have been given the option to return to their families, but some came here with us.  Hux is dead, Snoke is dead, the Knights of Ren are staying here for a while, but they’ll leave once they figure out what to do.  Captain Phasma…I’m not sure where she is.  Probably still on the Starkiller.”

“Wait…where the hell are we?”

She didn’t recognise the complex hospital machinery around her, but she spotted a symbol carved into the heartrate monitor beside her.  
“We’re on D’Qar.  In the Resistance base.”  
“What?”  She practically shrieked.

Ben smiled softly and glanced up, staring at something she couldn’t see with a nervous, but loving look.  All Rey could see was a complex hairstyle, then a face she recognised, but the name had escaped her.   _L…L something…fuck, how have I forgotten this?  Wait…oh my god!_  
“General Organa!”  
She smiled.  “I’m so glad you’ve finally woken.   We were beginning to get concerned.”

Rey’s mouth fell open for a second time as Ben nodded once.  “Ben, you…”  She couldn’t make her mouth do what she wanted it to, so she just stared at him in shock.  Leia smiled sweetly and pulled up a chair to sit beside her.

“You brought him home, Rey.  You’ve brought him back to me.  To both of us.”  She could only just make out the figure of Han Solo among the blurry bodies in the distance.  Ben smiled, gently squeezing her hand.  
“What about the Knights of Ren?”  
“They don’t need me anymore.  I have no reason to fight.  We…uh, they…don’t have a master, and I’m not filling that role.”

She smiled and squeezed his hand, and he leaned down to peck her on the forehead.   Leia rolled her eyes.  “Ben, leave Rey alone.”

 _She called him Ben!_ Every emotion she was capable of feeling smashed together at that point, and she nearly started to cry.

“Ben Solo.”  She tasted the name on her tongue – somehow it was different when even he was saying it.  Kylo Ren was dead.  He died with the First Order.  As if seeing her thoughts, General Organa grinned knowingly before she walked off to find a medical droid.

“Ben Solo.”  He confirmed.  She smiled – she felt like all she’d done since she woke up was smile –and gripped his wrist.  
“Help me up.”

He snaked an arm under her back and pulled her upper body towards him.  She felt shooting pains in her stomach, and she carefully looked beneath the bandages she’d been wrapped in.  _Holy shit._

Her stomach was littered with tiny cracks like lightning, and she remembered the fight.  The ugly alien that was Snoke, very nearly killing her with those cyan bolts he simply shot from those freakishly long fingers.  They made patterns of scars, some areas worse than others.  She looked like a smashed window – she swallowed and put the bandage back.  
“Wow…”  
“I think they’re pretty.”  He commented, moving to sit beside her on the hospital bed.  

“They sting.”  
“The pain should be gone tomorrow.”  He assured, pulling her close and letting her head rest against his chest.

She felt it then.  The light side, practically shining through his skin.  He was happy, calm, peaceful…all she’d ever wanted him to be.

“I love you, Ben Solo.”  She mumbled, pulling his face down towards hers.  The spark of excitement in his chest rippled into hers and she moved her lips to his, catching him in a soft, gentle kiss.

"I love you too."

**The End.**

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> last chapter a.k.a. how do i end a fanfiction??  
> thank you all so much for reading!


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